What Is Father

Almost any evening about six an adult male can be seen taking off his shoes

Putting on house slippers picking up the evening paper

And reclining deep in the softest chair in the living room of any well regulated home

No sooner is he seated comfortably when small creatures call children

Climb up on top of him muss his hair tumble in his lap kiss him and hug him

And run for mother when he lets out a great big yell

He is not a monster although he is sometimes accused of it when he loses his temper

He is not exactly a stranger in the house although he mostly sleeps and eats there

He is not a boarder although he thinks sometimes that it would be cheaper for him

No he is none of these things he is a father

Father's come in assorted shapes sizes and ages but all have one common creed

To always provide to the best of his ability

All the comforts of good living to his wife and family

To always have a little extra change in his pockets for the children

Bills of large denomonations for his wife and family expenses

And a secret hidden compartment in his wallet for bills of a smaller denomonations

For his own pleasures which are few

Fathers are a necessary item in each home

They are handy for putting up storm windows painting screens

Mowing the lawn nailing a shelf lifting heavy objects

Moving the furniture wiping the dishes cleaning the basement

And they are perfect as a soft touch when the kids need spending money

Children adore them house to house salesmen hate them

Wives tolerate them and heaven and the insurance companies protect them

At home a father is usually quiet unassuming and casual

He answers to names like daddy dad pop popsey the old man that stinker

And that loveable character ot the mister of the house

He answers most questions with inaudible mumbles daydreaming glances

Or house shaking bellows depending on the situation

Get him into his best blue suit and well starched collar and he complains bitterly

But once at the party he becomes the speaker of the evening

He tells jokes he would never tolerate at home and he dances with all the girls

Wears the lampshade as a hula costume

And protests loudly when the last hour's finished and mother bustles him homeward

Fathers are a paradox they will fight man or beast to protect the family

Yet an upset stomach or a minor pain is reason enough to cause loud moaning and groaning

And checking to see if the last will and testement is in order

He walks ten miles on the golfcourse but takes the car to mail a letter at the corner

He eats like a horse but uses sacchrine in his coffee because he is on a diet

He hollers bloody murder when the bills come due

But always manages to come up with a nice gift at the appropriate time

He is a devil an angel a saint a gallant gentleman an uncouth creature

A wise business man and a sucker for a sob story

Fathers are people who snore the loudest use the bathroom the longest

Can't find shirts underwear and socks the ofteness

And holler the loudest when mother and the kids are not dressed and ready to go when he is

Fathers should never be bothered when they are reading the paper when monthly bills arrive

The 15th of March and on Sunday mornings

Fathers like books golf a good smoke open necked shirts house slippers tweed suits

A soft bed cards hammocks after-shave lotions sports sleeping late lodge nights and one woman

They are not so much for company neck-ties shaving perfumes after dinner speakers

Crowds lawnmowers relatives mother's new hat diets cuff links collar buttons

Empty refrigerators tuxedos garters and dentisits

They remember business appointments luncheons sporting data and taxes

But forget birthdays anniversaries grocery lists and the ring in the bathtub

Yes father's are strange customers

They holler and beller and complain they never seem to do things the right way

They bundle the kids off to sunday school then sleep through church

They are outwardly tough and inwardly sentimental

And they are the little boys of yesterday grown up

And yet when this big rough tough rugged self-sufficient man talks with his Lord

When and where no other human can see him in his humility

He will invariable say something like this

Dear Beloved Father thanks for seeing my family safely through another day in these uncertain times

Thanks for the health the food and the goodness you have bestowed upon my loved ones

Thanks for helpin' to make of me the man my kids think I am

Thanks for forgiving my transgressions and short comings and for helping me to walk closer in Thy way

Thanks again for my wonderful home and family and above all thanks for the woman you have blessed me with

The mother of my children my wonderful understanding wife

Please watch over them while I am away and bring peace to all families like ours everywhere

I ask this in your name

Thanks Father

Amen