The Great Willamette Valley Scapegoat

all i want's an escape route

all i need's a way out

a dead-end town, my deadened ambition

the secret sound of the dreaded admission:

"i'll never get out alive."

and how could i survive?

on what could i thrive?

like this since i was 5,

when i realized how much i hadn't seen.

those risks i avoid haunt me in my dreams.

i'm always a talker, and never the actor

my fear of failure, the one biggest factor

it's my biggest detractor.

nightmares of what might've been

if only i'd asked her...

nightmares whenever i sleep

of the heart you stole, the words i keep

and insert with cowardice into the song;

at this pace, it can't be too long

before i drown in one of these cold sweats.

i hide behind my lyrics and hedged bets.

i'm trying hard to get away from this place

but you're an anchor weighing me down at the waist.

all i want's to fix this weak will

all i need's to rewrite this prequel

and change my character's flaws;

make me more than mere monologues.

"i'll never get a spine."

i'm afflicted by the sunshine

cuz you're keeping me up night-time.

i'll try to reach you with a weak rhyme.

then i realized how much i've never said,

dialogues constructed in my head.

i'm always a thinker, but never the doer.

wouldn't let myself have her so i'd never lose her.

nightmares full of conversations

now, if i'd only had them...

i'll never know what you might have said

left to think, left for dead

all these scripted lines in pencil lead

mistakes in margins marked in red

all the errors and the failures

all the left-outs and the spare words

everything left in the air for

you to catch and interpret yourself.

you know, i would've said something if i thought you'd've listened

but now i blame the town for my lack of conviction.

the city's not the problem, and it pains me to say so.

and you're not the problem, but you're the perfect scapegoat.

i'm too fucked up to fix.