My Dinner with Laurie

I was in the supermarket, buying food. In the produce section, I

noticed a woman holding an eggplant and a zucchini, saying "Eggplant,

or zucchini? Eggplant, or zucchini?" It was Laurie Anderson. I

should have known, I guess; she was wearing a name tag.

I said "Zucchini!" and she smiled at me kindly, as if I didn't quite

get the joke. And she said "So, do you want to come over for dinner

tonight?" And I said "Sure, I love zucchini!" And she replaced the

vegetables and she said, "Oh, that, I was just practicing."

And she said ooh, it isn't very hard

The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard

And she said ooh, try it now and see

The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV

And I said "Come on Laurie, cut the performance art shit. Can't we

have a normal conversation?" And she said "This isn't a normal

conversation. This is your song." And I said "Whoa."

She lived on the fifteenth floor. She said "I move up one floor every

year. It helps to cure my fear of heights." And I said "Oh yeah?

Well, what are you going to do when you reach the top floor of the

building?" And she said "Look, do you want dinner, or not?"

And she said ooh, it isn't very hard

The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard

And she said ooh, try it now and see

The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV

And I said "Take me to the bridge, Laurie. Take me. Take me to the

bridge."

After the bridge incident, we had dinner, and it was delicious. I

told her that it was like being inside a beautiful seashell with the

mind of the cook. And she said "Great. Did you like it?" And I said

"Like it? The earth moved!" And she said "Of course the earth moved.

The earth always moves. If it ever stopped moving, we'd all be flung

off into space." And I said "Oh no, Laurie. You wouldn't be flung

off into space. I'd hold you. I'd hold you tight. I'd hold you.

I'd hold you tight."

And I said ooh, it isn't very hard

The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard

And I said ooh, try it now and see

The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV

And she said ooh, it isn't very hard

The cellar's in the attic and the attic's in the yard

And we said ooh, try it now and see

The ocean's in the kitchen and the kitchen's on TV

And I said

Cool