Cacka Boom

If you're cold, well here's a plan:

Pull the plug out of your fan

If you're hot, now here's a scheme:

Park your botty in the stream

If you're tired, check this plot:

Seek a source that hits the spot

If you're snooty, here's a ploy

Stroll along the hoi polloi

You'll not have owt to show for it

If you don't go for it

You'll have to come to terms with it,

Get on the firm with it

If you don't get to grips with it,

You've had your chips with it

You'll only come to rue it if you don't do it

If you're lost, well try this notion:

Find yourself a magic potion

If you're angry, check this wheeze:

Count to ten and then say, 'cheese'

If you're uptight here's the answer:

Learn to be a belly-dancer

If you're concerned, suss a wangle:

Try it from a different angle

Now you can put a name to it,

You must lay claim to it

You'll have time to regret it,

If you don't go and get it

You won't have much to talk about

If you don't go on walkabout

Don't think you won't mind it

If you don't try and find it

No-one said you must be good as gold

It's what you haven't done

That matters when you're old

No-one said these things are pre-ordained

Nothing ventured...

If you're guilty, cop a stroke:

You only did it for a joke

If you're dozy, here's a tactic:

Tell 'em all they're too didactic

If you're fed up, here's a wrinkle:

Let your piano forte tinkle

If you're wobbling here's a trick:

Happy go toilet, click, click, click