Hey, Kid

Hey kid, everyone's waiting on you, kid

Everyone's wondering what you'll do, kid

It's true, kid

Me too, kid

Hey kid, we're so excited just to know you'll soon be here

Say kid, we're both delighted though it may not seem so clear

But I did my OB rotations so I know my ins-ands-outs

And you're an act if God's creation so I'm fine with all the doubts

I'm a doctor and a soldier, I've been shelled and under fire

But kid, if I say that you don't scare me, I'm a liar

Now kid, you did surprise me though I know the facts of life

Wow kid, it terrifies me just to say, "My pregnant wife."

'Cause kid, I gotta tell you I'm not ready not a bit

There's this macho act I'll sell you, while inside I lose my shit

It's not that I don't want you, 'cause I do despite my fears

But kid, is it true you'll stick around for eighteen years

Then the call comes on the iPhone

I grab a cab cross town

I find her on the fourth floor

They've got her in a gown

She's never looked less lovely

She's a grump and she's got gas

And the labor's eighteen hours

Oh my God kid, move your ass

Then at last you make your entrance

And kid you're quite a sight

I'll be honest you're disgusting

But I know that you're all right

Though your screaming and you're spitting

And I can't quite see your charms

They clean you and they clothe you and they put you in my arms

And I realize in an instant that I've known you all along

That I've wanted you forever that I'll never do you wrong

And whatever this world comes to

Whatever comes our way

I will watch and protect you

I promise kid, we'll be okay

We'll be okay

We'll be okay, kid

I feel like yelling, ring the bell and bang the drum

Say kid, there's just no telling all the things that you'll become

And I think we'll have some fun here

Your mom and you and me

But before your time is done here

Kid of mine, I hope you'll see

That this life is what you make it

It's cliche which means it's true

And kid, it makes my life to know I helped make you

As a father, kid, I may not have a clue

But your mom and me will somehow muddle through

If my asshole dad can do it, I can too

In fact, I'll do better. I'll start new

'Cause kid, my kid, our kid I love you!