The Near Future

[Man:]

How dry I am, how dry I am

It's plain to see just why I am

No alcohol in my highball

And that is why so dry I am

Waiter, Waiter

[Waiter:]

What do you want? What do you want?

[Man:]

I'm just as thirsty as can be

[Waiter:]

What'll you have? What'll you have?

[Man:]

Suggest a little drink for me

[Waiter:]

Of the very finest soft drinks we have all the best

[Man:]

I don't know a thing about them

What would you suggest?

[Waiter:]

Have a little Coca-Cola

Really, it's a lovely drink

Percy, Clarence, Reginald, too

They will recommend it to you

Have a little Coca-Cola

It's the very best I think

It isn't alcoholic but you can have a frolic

If you take enough to drink

[Man:]

They are much too dry

[Waiter:]

Then how'd you like to try

Sarsaparilla, try sarsaparilla

Sarsaparilla ought to do

Rockefeller drinks sarsaparilla

And what's good enough for Rockefeller

Is good enough for you

[Man:]

Go and tell John D

His drink won't do for me

[Waiter:]

Then have a little glass of grape juice

It's the only drink to buy

Really, it's fine, simply divine

It's recommended by William J. Bryan

Eve'rybody's drinking grape juice

Ever since the town went dry

I've heard them tell, sir

That grape juice and seltzer

Is just the little drink to try

[Man:]

That won't do, I'm afraid

[Waiter:]

Then try some lemonade

A little lemon, a little sugar

A little vichy and a straw

Makes the very nicest little drink you ever saw

You ought to buy one, come on and try one

For it's the finest drink that's made

Drinks like this'll wet your whistle

Have a glass of lemonade

[Man:]

That won't do I fear

I'd like a glass of beer

[Waiter:]

Then have some Bevo

Have a drink of Bevo

It's the grandest imitation that we know

If you care for beer, it's the drink you should pick

It tastes like lager but it hasn't got the kick

[Bevo Girl:]

Bevo, have a drink of Bevo

Though it hasn't got a punch up it's sleeve-o

[Waiter:]

Those who drink it insist that a Christian Scientist

Could easily come staggering home on Bevo

[Man:]

How dry I am, how dry I am

It's plain to see just why I am

Oh, how I call for alcohol

And that is why so dry I am

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]

I hear you calling me

I am the Spirit of Alcohol

For let me assure you one and all

I'm not dead, I'm only asleep

Some day I'll come back to you

[Chorus:]

We hope you do, we hope you do

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]

When your laws are not so blue

[Chorus:]

We hope you do, we hope you do

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]

When you give Prohibition your shoe

[Chorus:]

You bet your life we'll kick it

Because it's very wicked

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]

Say to Mister Temperance you're through

[Chorus:]

That's what we'll do, that's what we'll do

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]

I'll come back someday

With a hip, hip hooray

Until I do, I'll give to you

A little cocktail that is new