The Day Basketball Was Saved

Peanuts! Popcorn! Peanuts! Popcorn!

The sporting world’s had many teams

The fans have called first rate

They had the Yankees in the ’40s

All agreed were really great

Packers and Celtics piled up records

Hard to beat

But good as they all seemed to be

They tasted of defeat.

No team has ever won them all

And always stayed on top

Except that group of superstars

No team could ever stop

A bunch of splendid athletes

Who all stood strong and tall

They called themselves the Dream Team

And their game was basketball.

The center, a massive collection of bones

Was known by the nickname of Skyscraper Jones

The forwards were both brilliant ball handlers, too

Named Kangaroo Carson and Dead-Eye McGoo

The guards were two giants who played with great cool

Called Bulldozer Benson and Hookshot O’Toole.

Together they worked like a well-oiled machine

And ran up such scores it was almost obscene.

The team is unbeatable, everyone said

And if no one can beat them, then basketball’s dead

Basketball’s dead, yes, basketball’s dead

No team will beat them, so no team can meet them

The…it’s…the…de… dead.

But wait, folks! (Huh, it’s not?)

From out of Indiana like bees from a hive

Came a little known team called the Jackson 5

They came with a mission impossbily tough

To whip the Dream Team till they holler “Enough!”

We’ll razzle your frazzle, we’ll muzzle you guys!

We’ll dazzle each one of you right down to size.

We’ll shiver your timbers till all of you fall.

The Jacksons will beat you and save basketball!

A laugh roars up on the Dream Team’s side

And they laughed so hard that they nearly cried

Go home, little boys, get off the court

It’s a big man’s sport, you’re much too short

Too short, my foot, that’s just your way

Of saying you’re afraid to play

Afraid to play? Hear that squirt?

Go home before you all get hurt

We’d like to get just one thing straight.

We heard you guys was really great.

But so far all we’ve heard is talk.

So are you going to play?

Or are you going to walk?”

With that the Dream Team got real mad

And blew what little cool they had.

This time you guys, you’ve gone too far.

We’ll show you all how good we are.

We’ll play you now but we’re so sore

We may not even let you score

Oh yeah? Oh yeah?

We’ve heard it all

Let’s cut the talking. Let’s play ball

So the teams lined up and the ball was tossed

And the game got underway.

And the Dream Team knew from the very first tap

That the Jacksons knew how to play.

They dribbled, they passed, they faked, they shot

They hustled, they drove right on through

And every time that the Dream Team scored

Well, the Jackson 5 scored, too.

When the buzzer went off at the end of the half

The Dream Team wanted to hide

They couldn’t believe it was happening

But the score was really tied.

We’ve gotta stop those guys

We’ve gotta stop ‘em quick

We’ve gotta realize

They’re looking mighty slick

We’ve gotta start our drive

Or think of some good trick

Stop the Jackson 5

They’re making us look sick!

Sick! Sick! Sick! Sick!

Hey, I’ve got a way

Let’s fill them up with peanuts and popcorn

And then see how they play

Hey, Mr Vendor, listen to me

Those Jacksons could use some energy

So pass out the tray and let them grab

We’re such good sports we’ll pick up the tab.

We’ve got a great attack

We’ve got them on the run

If we can hold them back

Then we’ll be number one

We have the final lap

The jump will be reveresed

Just play the second half

The way we played the first. Yeah!

Jackie, come and check the score.

I’ll be right back, guys. Don’t leave the floor

Peanuts! Popcorn! Have a ball!

Free of charge, kids. Take it all.

Free of charge? Is that for real?

Free of charge!

That’s some good deal!

Maybe we shouldn’t!

Maybe we should!

It may be bad!

And it may be good!

What if Jackie finds out?

Who’s going to tell?

Then, I guess we might as well!

So the Jacksons ate till the food was gone

While the cheerleaders cheered the two teams on.

Re-bop, re-bop, hootie-rootie zackie

Come on, Dream Team, let’s stop Jackie

Michael, Marlon, Tito, and Jermaine

We’ve got the brawn, we’ve got the brains!

Dream Team! Dream Team!

Fly high, fly high, fly high!

One two three, ABC, Do Re Mi

Man Alive! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho!

Go go go! Jackson 5!

The whistle blew for the second half

The excitement filled the place.

You could tell both teams were all charged up

As they stood there face to face.

They dribbled, they passed, they faked, they shot

They moved with dazzling speed

But the two teams seemed so evenly matched

Neither one could hold the lead.

With 15 seconds left in the game

The Dream team led by one.

They knew if they could freeze the ball

The Jacksons would be done.

Just then the four young Jackson boys

Began to moan and groan

They dropped to the ground with bellyaches

Leaving Jackie standing alone.

Too much popcorn! Too many peanuts!

We had too much junk!”

We’re sorry, Jackie, we let you down!

It looks like the Jacksons are sunk!

The ref called time to remove the boys

“Game’s over!” he said. “You’re through!”

But Jackie said, “Look, I’ll play myself

If that’s what I have to do.”

So the ref gave Jackie the ball and said:

“There’s time for one more play.”

And Jackie said, “Well, that’s all I need.

I know I’ll find a way.”

Jackie took the ball and started out

Way at the end of the court,

But he still had to get past five of the best

Who ever played the sport.

As the clock kept ticking the seconds away

No mistake could he afford

But he went all the way with a brilliant display

And as the buzzer went off, he scored!

All the fans in the stands went wild

When Jackie won the game

And the Dream Team said he played so well

He belonged in the Hall of Fame.

So the Jackson 5 ended up on top

And we thank them one and all

For not only did they beat the best

They also saved the game of basketball.