The Bitch of Chiselhurst Caves

Mead can do many things

It can even make you blind

And the tavern wenches round

These parts drive me out of my mind

There's on such girl of whom I know

Who's been around the block

For fifteen duckets and a bucket of milk

She'll even roost your cock.

She's for hire, baby

Doff your cap and quaff your wine

For the bitch of chiselhurst caves is mine

War your sons and tell your chums:

She's the bitch of chiselhurst caves

If you take her home to stroke your bone

And caress your mighty helm

She'll tie you to the bed and ride you 'til you're dead,

She's the finest in the realm

When you're worn right through and your balls

Are blue and your dreams full of delight

Don't be surprised if she takes all your gold

And vanishes in the night

"She wants my sausage"

(But she'd better hurry up 'cos there's only one going)

So hide your stash and bank your cash,

Be wise and mark these words:

You'll have your way but you'll have to pay,

For the best-laid supper can turn to turds