Ode To James Corden

How does an upstart Briton, best known for sittin' and

Jestin' from a desk in the middle of a

Forgotten slot on late night, far from Manhattan

Chattin' with Hollywood phonies

End up being the guy who hosts the Tonys?

CBS said: This collision of theatre and television

Needs a risk-taker. It needs a rule breaker

It needs a troublemaker

A mover and a shaker

It needs that chubby dude from Into the Woods

Who played the Baker

Considering his pedigree, this choice is not a mystery

The One Man with Two Guv'nors was discovered in The History

Boys. With his talk show, networks honchos saw how this could be

A classic exercise in realizin' corporate synergy

Of course, the host of Broadway's most preeminent affair is in

The spotlight, so his goal tonight is not to be embarassin'

To dodge the skewers of reviewers drawin' a comparison

To Tonys past, of telecasts they've seen Neil Patrick Harris in

Well, he knows that you're excited and he feels the very same

'Cause he knows this night can bring you recognition and acclaim

'Cause the theatre's what he loves, it's the world from whence he came

Yes, the theatre's where he made his name. And his name is –

James Corden

My name is James Corden

And these are what I'll be awardin'

No! Just you wait, just you wait

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 70th annual Tony Awards!

Thank you for letting me be a part of your special night

I have loved the theatre ever since

You know what, let me tell you a story

There once was a boy, I won’t use names, let’s call him

James. Cute kid, big eater

Now the greatest joy that James ever had was when he

Mum and dad would go to the theatre

He’d take his seat in the rear mezzenine

The lights would go down and the curtain would rise

On some wonderous, astonishing, magical scene

Unfolding before his spellbound eyes

The house was enthralled

The boy most of all

And as he watched in delight

A thought

A flash

An idea

Would enter brain right

That could be me up there

On the stage with them

I could be in that show

Saying that line

Playing that part

Give me an hour I’ll know it by heart

Getting those laughs

Feeling that passion

Taking a bow when it’s done

Oh that could be me

That could be me

And that could be a lot of fun

(Les Mis)

That could be me up on the barricade

I could be Jean Valjean!

Fleeing Javert

Guarding Cosette

Rueing the day that I stole that baguette

Bring him home

Being a hero

Hearing the people say

Oh that could be me

And that could be

A miserably wonderful thing!

One more dawn

One more day

One daaaay

I could be Phantom haunting the Opera

Wearing my yin-yang mask

Singing my heart out

For mid-western mums (girl sings)

Japanese tourists

And teens after proms

And I could be Simba

Roaming the grasslands

Learing to rule and lead

Watching my father horribly die

In an antelope stampede

I could be Danny, meeting a girl

Loving all summer long

(A well a well a well a uh)

Going together, like ramalamalamalama

Chang chang chang

Dinga ding ding ding dong

And I could be Sweeney

Demon of Fleet Street

Turning people to pies

I could be Jesus Christ Superstar

Spoiler alert He dies!

Oh there’s no limit to the parts I could play tonight!

I could be any role I want and no one can stop me!

The hills are alive, with the sound of

Trouble! Right here in River City!

With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for

People

People who need people

Are the

Luck be a lady tonight!

Luck be a lady Tonight

Tonight

Tomorrow

Tomorrow

Midnight

Not a sound from the pavement

I really need this job

How many people does he need

How many boys how many

Don’t cry for me Argentina

And if I were a rich man

Don’t tell me not to live I’ve simply gotta

(Trumpet and band just kinda dies bc rant)

Life’s candy and the Sun’s a ball of butter

And I am telling you

That I’m not going

And the best man I ever known

Mamma’s talking loud

Mamma’s doing fine

All the time and how did I get here

Ten more years and stuck in the background

Here I am, hosting the Tony’s

This time tomorrow I’m back on 12. 30

Sorry I’m not entirely sure what happened there

I blacked out a little bit

Have I, have I ruined it?

I’ve ruined it haven’t I

I’ve ruined the Tony’s

Oprah have I ruined the Tony’s?

Level with me Oprah have I ruined it?

One More?

(42nd Street dance break)

To every future leading man who’s making his debut

In his 5th grade class’s Peter Pan

As pirate number two

To every future dancing queen who’s feet are set to fly

At the tiny toddlers tap routine next Sunday at the (Y?)

To the Theatre kids from any place with stardust in their eyes

Of every colour class and race and face and shape and size

To the boys and girls, transgenders too, to every Broadway Would-be

Don’t wonder if this could be you, it absolutely could be!

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2016 musical acting nominees!

OH

This could be you up here

On the stage with us

You could be in this show

Smiling inside

Thinking of how

When you were young

You dreamed about now

Sharing these words

Living this moment

Being a part if this song

Oh this could be you

This could be you

This could be where you belong

This could be where you belong