Sabbath

I'm six or seven and dreaming that I'm a boy

I emerged out of the water and went into the garden

With a small silver hand between my thighs

Later, in the shower, I see a boy naked

He is contagious and I can feel mine

I was told not to stare then

But my eyes have never been larger, in & out of my body

My stare kept growing

I guess that's what's called flesh memory

Oh, how I wanted to tell him that we had switched places

In my dream I'd had him on me

But I didn't that day when I told her the dog was a wolf

And the rock was a cliff, and you're a horse

I said, if the dog was a wolf and

I a boy she could be a horse, sure thing

She had no excuse

And we were running then

Horse and wolf and girl

Braces on her teeth like a bridle, a bride, a bridle

I felt tight against supple, cool against hot, wires and skin

I've always been like this

Some days I feel like my body

Is straightened, held up by thin braces,

Metal spikes embrace my spine, my face, my cunt

I can feel myself from above, but I can't see who's holding them

I twould be easy to think about submission

But I don't think it's about submission

It's about holding and being held

We ran willingly, horse-like, girl-like, boy-like

Her voice neighing in the back of his throat

And when I came closer we collided and kissed

In the passing on the mouth, like horses do

I said, her thin lips over enamel and steel

I felt the outline of her braces against my own

Little silver arms reaching for each other