A Distance

I've held my breath

For twenty fucking years

And hesitation brought me here

It makes it harder to believe

That I'll see you again

I'm so scared of growing up

I still act like I'm fifteen years old

Too early to give up

But too old to come home

I found myself at a distance

Empty highways and freezing train carriages

I never thought I'd see myself like this

Starving to death in this fucking city apartment

Well, I'm twenty-one

And so alone

Well, this distance it gave me an option

In the form of a shiny red apple

In it's dark red skin

I saw my reflection

But I couldn't take it

I sunk my teeth in

I watch your tail lights fade over this stale town

Your arm still waving from your windows

I can barely make it out

Barely make it out

It'll be a cold and quiet month

To spend alone in my head

But when you finally return

We'll be stronger for this

Stronger for this

I keep a tiny coloured print of you and I

The one that we took

At our friends engagement

Sometimes I catch myself swimming in your smile

And the crease over your eyes

If I try

I remember what they look like

I keep a tiny coloured print of you and I

Folded and creased like a bill

In the paper compartment of my wallet

A worthy home

For something that comes and goes

Oh, I now know why I've never felt at home

I'm happy and healthy in my head

But I've never felt so alone

I spend my days counting the lines along the road

They disappear right under me

Like all the places that I've been

Just thinking of you