Mean As Hell

The Devil in Hell we're told was chained

A thousand years he there remained

He neither complain nor did he groan

But was determined to start a Hell of his own

Where he could torment the souls of men

Without being chained in a prison pen

So he asked the Lord if he had on hand

Anything left when he made this land

The Lord said yes there's a plenty on hand

But I left it down by the Rio Grande

The fact is ol' boy the stuff is so poor

I don't think you could use it as a Hell anymore

But the Devil went down to look at the truck

And said if he took it as a gift he was stuck

For after lookin' that over carefully and well

He said this place is too dry for a Hell

But in order to get it off his hand

The Lord promised the Devil to water the land

So trade was closed and deed was given

And the Lord went back to his home in Heaven

And the Devil said now I got all what's needed

To make a good Hell and he succeeded

He began by putting thorns all over the trees

He mixed up the sand with millions of pleas

He scattered tarantulas along the road

Put thorns on cactus and horns on toads

Lengthened the horns of the Texas steer

Put an addition to the rabbits ear

Put a little Devil in the bronco steed

And poisoned the feet of the centipede

The rattlesnake bites you the scorpion stings

The mosquito delights you with his buzzing wings

The sunburst are there and so the ants

And if you sit down you'll need have soles on your pants

The wild boar roams on a black chaparral

It's a Hell of a place that he has for a Hell

The heat in the summers are hundred and ten

Too hot for the Devil, too hot for men

The red pepper grows upon the banks of the brook

The Mexican use it in all that he cook

Just dine it with one of 'em and you're bound to shout

I've Hell on the inside as well as the out

My hands are calloused July to July

I use a big dipper to navigate by

Fight off the wolves to drink from my well

So I have to be, mean as Hell

A sheep herder came and put up a fence

I saw him one day but I ain't seen him since

But if you need any mutton we got mutton to sell

We're cowpunchers and we're mean as Hell

Neither me nor my pony's got a pedigree

But he takes me where I'm wantin' to be

I'll ride him to death and when he is fell

I'll get me another one, mean as Hell

I shot me a calf and I cut off her head

'Cause the boys in the bunkhouse are wantin' to be fed

They rise in chime with the five thirty bell

And the best one of any of 'em, is mean as Hell