Oldest Profession

I tried life as a sailor, a pirate and a thief

But it was not till now that I knew what I should be

I swaggered through the brothel doors and marched straight ahead

When I reached the counter I looked at the girl and said

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore

I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more

I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart

So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

Well I guessed it shocked her she didn't know what to say

Then she said that's impossible, it doesn't work that way

I'll demonstrate just what I got, was the pitch I gave

She nearly had a stroke but she wasn't quite that way

She told me that I should talk to all the girls upstairs

There's no approval I could find would mean more than theirs

When I reach the second floor, they poured into the hall

And I said hello ladies I've something to tell you all

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore

I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more

I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart

So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

They laughed and said: There is no way it never has been done

Butt a girl said lets find out and let me in room #1

And six hours later when I left room 24

I knew that I had managed to satisfy the floor

They said there's a girl upstairs for special clientele

For you to have a chance, she's the one to really tell

I find the stairs, knocked on the door and said to her: Hello

Before we start anything there's something you should know

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore

I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more

I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart

So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

She said that it was funny and she laughed at my plan

And told me I could never hack it because I was just a man

So I said let me prove it and I did lickity split

And trust me when I tell you boys I took my time with it

She panted I admit it, I was wrong right from the start

Go upstairs and see the madam and you'll work here if she's smart

I went to the madams office and let myself right in

Finally I thought that I said said to her with a grin

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore

I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more

I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart

So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart

I'll give you just one chance to prove you're not out of your head

And I knew that I had proved it when she look at me and said

Gee you found the spot I thought was legend or a myth

You make a perfect case that I find hard to argue with

Women now are working on the ships and docks and shores

And should have the same options as the men who came before

So now I have a job taking care of ladies needs

And all you jealous bastards should come sing along with me

I wanna be a trollop, a harlot or a whore

I wanna be a Jezebel, a floozy and what's more

I was meant to be a strumpet I'm just a trumpet heart

So I'm here to be a prostitute, a hooker or a tart