The Ship Is Fine

There's not a thing wrong with this ship

In fact, she is just fine

But there would be some changes

If if this vessel it were mine

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I would have a great big deck

Plated in solid gold!

'Cause being teased about my little deck

Is really gettin' old! (happens a lot)

I'd sail from south tortuga

All the way up to Quebec

And in each port I'd shout: Hey, sailor!

Wanna ride my great big deck?

(It's enormous! - it's okay, it's okay)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship

In fact, she is just fine

But there would be some changes

If if this vessel it were mine

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

Let's see, uh

I'd get rid of all the water

From down in the ballast hole (but we'll tip over!)

And replace it with some good dark rum

Where it can stay nice and cold!

Every man aboard the ship can drink

Until he's had his fill

And the only rude we'd enforce

Is that noone's allowed to spill!

(How about that? Take that, you'd have to replace it later)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship

In fact, she is just fine

But there would be some changes

If if this vessel it were mine

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I'd strip her down just to a rudder

A mast and a wheel (minimalism!)

I'd make her long and hard - and hollow

And cover her in steel! (urr!)

She'd be a giant floating cannon

No need for cabins and walls! (we-we need them)

And everyone would shiver

When they saw the size of my balls!

(I'm shivering already, you've seen them? They're huge!)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship

In fact, she is just fine

But there would be some changes

If if this vessel it were mine

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I'd replace the bunks and hammocks

With big four-poster beds (ooh, okay!)

And I'd get rid of most the crew like you, lot

And hire trollops on instead

She'd be a floating brothel

And I'd be her captain bow

I'd have more fun than any pirate

And I'd make a lot more gold (arrogant jerk)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship

In fact, she is just fine

But there would be some changes

If if this vessel it were mine

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I'd get rid of all the sails

And find something better than the wind (what?)

Perhaps some sort of intermittent combustion engine

With reciprocating pistons

And a fuel source based on heat!

We could - hey! - woah, woah, woah!

Well, forget it you mooks

Let's go with devin's brothel plan

Wouldn't that be sweet? (Yeaah!)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship

In fact, she is just fine

But there would be some changes

If if this vessel it were mine

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe

Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!