lost

You can tell me that I'm perfect

'Cause you've never seen me hurting

Only know what's on the surface

Say I'm fine, but I'm not fine

When the demon's in my head

Sometimes I just won't leave my bed

So if you're leavin', I'll understand, understand

Yeah, it's been nonstop

I swear this touring's been killing me, everybody watch

And I don't like seeing cities and then leavin' them just to go to the next

I think I've seen too many faces, but it's all in my head

The nights I stayed up late just working put me in a position

That people line up at the shows now and they finally listen

Seeing every single one of you just truly makes me nervous

'Cause when I see the checks, I just don't feel I deserve it

So after shows, I go right back to the hotel and look myself in the mirror

Asking what do I do this for and it all becomes clear

That I don't know what I'm doing, sometimes it feels so confusing

I see people wear my merch, but I still feel like I'm losing this upward battle

Did a show in Seattle

Panic attack on stage and I had no where to travel

So I just carried on, did the show in tears until the curtains drawn

I got anti suicide songs, but I still sing along

They say depression's a journey

The only difference is a journey has an end

Implement some ways to cope, but it's still hard to circumvent

Fans say they sick of sad songs, I'm just tryna vent

Sayin' I'm just tryna vent

You can tell me that I'm perfect

'Cause you've never seen me hurting

Only know what's on the surface

Say I'm fine, but I'm not fine

When the demon's in my head

Sometimes I just won't leave my bed

So if you're leavin', I'll understand, understand

I wish my anxiety had an off switch

So I can just flip it and then never worry again

Maybe then I'd be comfortable when I'm around all my friends

I never feel wanted even though I probably am

And I so sick of all these late nights, reminisce when I waste time

Think about all of my better days back before I even wrote lines

Revisit nostalgia just to try to finally feel something

But all the stuff I did when I was younger just don't feel the same, yeah

And my sadder days turn into like every day

Started doing drugs just to try to finally numb the pain

Yeah, but all that got me was addicted to prescriptions, want a way out

Swear I'm always searching, but don't think I'll ever find it, yeah

The voices in my head been telling me that I should quit this

But I got some plaques up on the wall, I really did this

Started from the bottom, now I'm touring, filling stages

But the more success I'm gaining makes me hate it

You can tell me that I'm perfect

'Cause you've never seen me hurting

Only know what's on the surface

Say I'm fine, but I'm not fine

When the demon's in my head

Sometimes I just won't leave my bed

So if you're leavin', I'll understand, understand