Bedtime Stories

I was kneeling by the bed and praying

She said, "come love and get undressed"

I sad I'm praying for guidance

She said, "Pray for stripping, I'll do the rest"

So I told her a bedtime story

About the first time I got laid:

As I ran down the stairs, she cried after me:

"You bleeder, you ain't paid!"

As a young man I couldn't get many girls

Because of the size of my wood

I had to keep my shirt on

And give them as much as I could!

So I told her a bedtime story

Of my non-religious rod

And how I was an unbeliever

She said, "you don't believe in . . . ohh god!

So I'll tell you a bedtime story

One night I was asleep

And the girl said, "get up quickly,

I can hear the stairs creek"

She said "get out, it's my husband

And I was half way out the door

When I realised it couldn't be

I was married, to her, before