Gloom-monger

He's as happy as a martyr when the fire won't burn

And he doesn't like the philosophy of live and learn

Complains when he's not chosen but moans when it's his turn

He wants things to go sour just so he can say

"well i warned you it'd all fall apart this way"

And just don't ask his opinion on modern art or plays

So turn your aspirations down - the gloom-monger's in town

You're never sure whose side he wants to be on

And the intellectual tide just floats him along

He gets it wrong on purpose just to prove himself correct

And you'll hear him on the phone-ins from morning till night

He's the catalyst that always sparks off a fight

Yeah he sure knows how to aggravate - he's studied it for years

So turn that smile into a frown - the gloom-monger's in town

"oh woe is me

I backed both sides in the cup - and they drew

That just shows the state of sportsmen for you"

He hates playing any individual game

'cause there's nobody on whom to apportion blame

Put his shrink off the profession and his priest feels quite the same

Can you spare some thorns for a crown - the gloom-monger's in town

"it's a disgrace

The service in this place - it's too quick

They barely give you time to think about what's wrong with the walls

Oh woe is me

But i haven't decided why today"

He's always got some proverb that means nothing at all

Puts the fear of life right up you when he comes to call

And he sounds like someone's promised to chop off his balls if he laughs

And he thinks his gloomy nature aids longevity

But it's having quite the opposite effect on me

As he spits his bile at yet another triviality

Now what goes up must surely come down - the gloom-monger's in town

And i think he can't quite wait till we drown - the gloom-monger's in town