Laurel Leaf (Anhedonia)

All the things I told myself and I heard nothing

Every lie I sold myself till I quit buying

Found the inner activist and killed her quiet

Buried under processing but she's been climbing

Up in my tree I have all I could really need

And the fork in my tongue troubles no one

Shame and relief to be finally truly seen

As I am

As I'll be

As I've been

All the nights I cut myself and I felt nothing

Murder every messenger

But they keep coming

Cultivate your loneliness till you're a loner

Cradle your anxiety and anhedonia

Down at the end of your day in the mess you've made

And the bones of your bed

She's a shipwreck

What's in a name or a face or a garden grave?

Stomach-sick at the turn of the trick

Left waiting on the airlift out

Stuck straining for the punchline now

Worry away your pretensions of guile and grace

What's the last thing you said?

God's a basehead

Spinning in place

Never fazed by the risks he takes

Then you fell through the floor

On a low so pure

When you spread at the surf

Did your teeth hurt?

Almost awake

I await a redemption day

Laurel Leaf

You'll be all I can see

All the signs I showed myself and I saw nothing

All the signs I showed myself and I saw nothing