Badtimes

If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "badtimes",

Delete it immediately

Without reading it. this is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. not only that, but it will

Scramble any

Disks that are even close to your computer. it will recalibrate

Your

Refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts. it

Will

Demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the

Tracking on

Your vcr and use subspace field harmonics to render any cds you

Try to play

Unreadable.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. it

Will mix

Antifreeze into your fishtank. it will drink all your beer and

Leave its

Socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will put

A dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your

Car keys

When you are late for work.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. it will give

You

Nightmares about circus midgets. it will pour sugar in your gas

Tank and

Shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current

Boy/girlfriend behind

Your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa

Card.

It will seduce your grandmother. it does not matter if she is

Dead, such is

The power of badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully

Those things

We hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find

It. it will

Kick your dog. it will leave libidinous messages on your boss's

Voice mail

In your voice!

It is insidious and subtle. it is dangerous and terrifying to

Behold. it is

Also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Badtimes will give you dutch elm disease. it will leave the

Toilet seat up.

It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub and then

Leave bacon

Cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids

With your