Gay Or European?

[Elle]

There! Right there!

Look at that tan, that tinted skin

Look at the killer shape he's in

Look at that slightly stubly chin

Oh please he's gay, totally gay

[Calahan]

I'm not about to celebrate

Every trait could indicate the totally straight expotriate

This guy's not gay, I say not gay

[All]

That is the elephant in the room

Well, is it relevant to assume

That a man who wears perfume

Is automatically radically fay?

[Emmett]

But look at his coiffed and crispy locks

[Elle]

Look at his silk translucent socks

[Calahan]

There's the eternal paradox

Look what we're seeing

[Elle]

What are we seeing?

[Calahan]

Is he gay?

[Elle]

Of course he's gay

[Calahan]

Or european?

[All]

Oh

Gay or european?

It's hard to guarantee

Is he gay or european?

[Warner]

Well, hey don't look at me

[Vivian]

You see they bring their boys up different

In those charming foreign ports

They play peculiar sports

[All]

In shiny shirts and tiny shorts

Gay or foreign fella?

The answer could take weeks

They both say things like ciao bella

While they kiss you on both cheeks

[Elle]

Oh please

[All]

Gay or european?

So many shades of gray

[Warner]

Depending on the time of day

The french go either way

[All]

Is he gay or european?

Or

[Eden]

There! Right there!

Look at that condescending smirk

Seen it on every guy at work

That is a metro-hetro jerk

That guy's not gay, I say no way

[All]

That is the elephant in the room

Well is it relevant to presume

That a hottie in that costume

[Elle]

Is automatically, radically

[Calahan]

Ironically, cronically

[Vivian]

Scurtinly, curtainly

[Warner]

Genetically, netically

[All]

Gay!

Officially gay!

Officially gay, gay, gay, gay!

Dammit

Gay or european?

[Calahan]

So stylish and relaxed

[All]

Is he gay or european?

[Calahan]

I think his chest is waxed

[Vivian]

But they bring their boys up different there

It's culturally diverse

It's not a fashion curse

[All]

If he wears a kilt or bears a purse

Gay or just exotic?

I still can't crack the code

[Brooke]

Yet his accent is hypnotic

But his shoes are pointy toed

[All]

Huh

Gay or european?

So many shades of gray

[Judge]

But if he turns out straight

I'm free at 8 on Saturday

[All]

Is he gay or european?

Gay or european?

Gay or euro-

[Emmett]

Wait a minute!

Give me a chance to crack this guy

I have an idea I'd like to try

[Calahan]

The floor is yours

[Emmett]

So mr. Argitacos

This alleged affair with ms. Windam

Has been going on for?

[Nicos]

2 years

[Emmett]

And your first name again is?

(Nicos)

Nicos

[Emmett]

And your boyfriend's name is?

[Nicos]

Carlos

I'm sorry! I misunderstand

You say boyfriend

I thought you say best friend

Carlos is my best friend

[Carlos]

You bastard!

You lying bastard!

That's it

I no cover for you, no more!

Peoples

I have a big announcement

This man is gay and european!

And neither is disgrace

You've got to stop your being

A completely closet case

It's me, not her, he's seein'

No matter what he say

I sware he never ever ever swing the other way

You are so gay

You big parfait!

You flaming one man carbaret!

[Nicos]

I'm straight!

[Carlos]

You were not yesterday

So if I may, I'm proud to say

He's gay!

[All]

And european!

[Carlos]

He's gay!

[All]

And european!

[Carlos]

He's gay!

[All]

And european and gay!

[Nicos]

Fine okay I'm gay!

[All]

Hooray!

[Nicos and carlos]

Fine, okay, we're gay