Adopduction

kidnapped!

I was kidnapped.

I dreamed I was kidnapped.

by a guy with a moustache

and a chick with an eyepatch

who though they could trade me back

for some quick cash.

but when they relayed the bargain

my family said,

"we'll pay half that"

the haggling went on for days,

the days went on for weeks

and weeks for years.

riding in the trunk was never fun

but soon I plum ran out of tears.

they camped us in the woods

we cooked canned goods

they never threatened me with pain.

they treated cops politely

driving nightly

always using coded names.

so if slowly I could trust them

dare I say it even love them

who's to blame.

I learned my alphabet

and letterset while setting up

my latest ransom note.

they got me correspondence classes,

got me glasses,

gave me dropcloths in the cold.

my fondest memories

are from my hostage crises

I know it's strange.

although we got so close

you know they never even

told me their real names.