1-900-L.L. Cool J

[phone rings twice]

Yo.. Hello 1-900-LL Cool J?

Yeah whassup? Can you please bust a funky rhyme for me?

Yeah I can do that, check this one out honey

I motivate, accelerate

Devestate, and dominate

I don't smoke crack so I won't lose weight

Give me the {pussy} and the money and the mic and I'm straight

Go to a resteraunt, give me steak

Then cook my chicken with Shake'n'Bake

I leave all the preachin to Reverand Flake

How much money can one black man make? Huh

I'm what's known as a true dynamiter

I write rhymes fast without a typewriter

Go with the flow, but no, I'm not a biter

Can't compare a cock-a-roach and a spider

Hell, you might as well get a glass of punch

cause you're bitin my lyrics like a Nestle Crunch, huh

And bitin my rhymes ain't slick

I got your gold teeth marks all over my [phone rings]

Complications and aggravation

An unnecessary-sation

I'm like Sunkist, good vibrations

Your al-blum, sounds like a compilation

Cool out, grab a seat and listen..

cause I'ma start dismissin

sucker MC's who's out there frontin

Talkin all that yang, yo you smokin somethin

Shoulda treated me royal, yo he wasn't loyal

Now it's all about chaos and turmoil

.. gimme that microphone

I'ma show you the real meaning of the danger zone

[phone rings]

Yo.. Hello is this 1-900-LL Cool J?

Yeah whassup? Can you tell me what you do when you're coolin out?

Yo check this out

Now when I'm coolin out, no time for a granny

Just a fly girl in t-shirt and panties

Can LL {*censored*}? Man, can he?

I tell you what, give up the fanny

Cause on a bedroom tomb, J swift

Not too big, but nothin to play with

In addition, you on a mission

You need to audition for another position

Doin damage is a crew tradition

Name your next al-blum intermission

You're full of preservatives -- plus,

you're too conservative

I'm full of flair, savoir faire, debonairre

There's no competition, for this here

So don't waste your time and breath

I'm givin you all a big F

MC's I envelop..

.. as the song goes on, the rhyme develops

I'm asiatic, acrobatic, charismatic

You don't want no static

Anyway, I ain't havin it!

When I see the microphone -- I'm grabbin it

Plug it in and take charge

LL XL, Xtra-Large

KnowhatI'msayin? Peace

[phone rings three times]

Hello?

Hello whassup girl?

How you doin girl? I been tryin to call you all day

Word up I was talkin to LL he was kickin some mo' HYPED up rhymes to me

Word, I spoke to him today too - them rhymes WAS pumpin

Well not to cut you short but I gotta go cause my man is here

Alright

See-ya