Hardest Song Ever

Father worked nights, mother all day

There were no gripes, we would all pray

We were close knit, it was so strict

Well, in most folks, that was O.K.

I was so young, pre-first grade

Them condone me alone, it was no way

But when it overlapped, it left an open gap

Call a babysitter, time to go play

And she was young too, and it was fun too

Get away from her home, so she would come through

Out to a neighbor's house, they had the favorite couch

That everybody loved, and we would run to

But it was uncool, what we would succumb to

The shit we did see, becoming numb to

This wasn't untrue, what no one knew

The shit that she would do to me, nothing else could undo

Young and unaware, dealing with the strain

There's no reason to lie, cause there's nothing to gain

She told me "strip down, no need to feel ashamed"

She brought another child, she said "let's play a game"

My stomach's in a twist, what you expect? Shit

I'm barely 5 or 6, I don't know what sex is

I'm giving y'all the truth so I can set it right

This is the hardest song I had to ever write

All that lays, locked in me

Wasn't mine to hold on to

(The hardest song I could ever write)

And though it plagues a part of me

Don't want to leave, but I got to

(The hardest song I could ever write)

And the memory, I suppressed it,

Depression is what's pressing, that's what the stress did

I pushed away any woman I could connect with

That's the shit you do when you deal with being molested

Infested with impatience I started aching

Hatred and deep guilt was the deadliest combination

Am I scarred, am I flawed, am I gay then?

I've always loved women, that can't be the explanation

How do I take the rage, bury it deep inside

Cover it with a smile, but eventually it will rise

Eventually it will tie a knot in your soul and boast

Then you just end up hurting the people you love the most

Fuck it! I let it fly, nothing to set aside

It's nothing for me to lose, I'm already dead inside

Already said my peace a piece of me fled in spite

Let's set it right! This the hardest shit I'mma ever write

All that lays, locked in me

Wasn't mine to hold on to

(The hardest song I could ever write)

And though it plagues a part of me

Don't want to leave but I got to x2

(The hardest song I could ever write)

We are the victim of school teachers and cool preachers

Youth coaches and catholic priest that do breach us

And violated our innocence from within

Now, that I'm grown, I know that it pro'ly happened to them

A cycle of sickness where the only eyewitness

Is so terrified, they rather lie than admit this

Or rather omit this, and deal with the strain too

But your never truly free until you put this in plain view

And I know it's like the hardest thing in the world to do

But if you don't, then the person who did it controls you, and owns you

But I got my chance to set it right

This the hardest song I could ever write

All that lays, locked in me

Wasn't mine to hold on to

(The hardest song I could ever write)

And though it plagues a part of me

Don't want to leave but I got to

(The hardest song I could ever write)