The Cask

Edgar:

Never bet the devil your head

When I was an infant

My mother treated me like a tough steak

To her well regulated mind

Babies were the better for beatings

But she was left handed

And a child flogged left handed

Is better left unflogged

The world revolves from right to left

It will not do to whip a baby from left to right

If each blow in the right direction

Drives an evil propensity out

A blow in the opposite direction

Knocks it's quota of wickedness in

Hence my precocity in vice

My sensitivity to injuries

The thousands of injuries heaped upon me by Fortunato

And then finally his rabid insults for which I vowed revenge

I gave no utterance to threat

But the knowledge of "avengemenship"

Was so definite so precise

That no risk could befall me

By neither word

Nor deed had I given cause to doubt my good will

I would punish with impunity

I will fuck him up the ass and piss in his face

I will redress the wrong

But lips and psyche

Mind be silent

Fortunato approaches

Fortunato:

Don't take me to task

For loving a cask

The cask of Amontillado

Please don't make a pass

You can go kiss my ass

All I want is this mythical cask

The cask of Amontillado

I've heard so much through the grapevine

I've heard so much on the line

But the one thing that I lust after

Is the one thing i've never had

So is it too much to ask

Too have just one taste of the cask

Why you could go kiss my ass for the cask

Of Amontillado

Edgar old fellow

Dear bosom friend

Hail fellow well met

Oh great elucidator

Great epopee

Edgar:

Haha..

Fortunato what luck to meet you

What good good luck to meet

You and see you looking so splendid

I have received a cask of Amontillado

Or what passes

For Amontillado

Fortunato:

Amontillado

That most wondrous sherry

A cask

Impossible

How

So rare

Edgar:

I've had my doubts

I was silly enough to pay the full price

Without consulting you in the matter

But you were not to be found

And I was fearful of losing a bargain

Fortunato:

Fearfully stupid if you ask me Edgar

Edgar:

I am on my way to see Mr. Bolo

Fortunato:

A cask

Edgar:

A cask

To gather his opinion

Are you engaged

Fortunato:

Mr. Bolo cannot tell Amontillado from goat's milk

Edgar:

Yet some say his taste is a match for your own

Fortunato:

Hardly, dear boy

Let us go

Edgar:

Where

Fortunato:

To your vaults to the supposed Amontillado

Edgar:

Oh my good friend no

I could not impose upon your good nature

You have, after all, an engagement

Fortunato:

To hell with the engagement

I have no engagement

Before the sky withers and falls let us go

Edgar:

But the vaults are damp

And I see you are afflicted with a severe cold

Fortunato:

Oh let us go

The cold is nothing

You've been taken advantage of

And Mr. Bolo cannot tell Amontillado from piss

The cask

Edgar:

It is farther on

But see the white web work

Which gleams from these cavern walls

Fortunato:

Nitre

Nitre

Edgar:

How long have you had that cough

Yes, nitre

Fortunato:

It is nothing

Edgar:

We should go back

Your health is precious

You are a man who would be missed

Fortunato:

[coughing]

Edgar:

Let's return

I cannot be responsible for causing you ill health

And anyway there's always Mr. Bolo

Fortunato:

Oh be dumb i'll not be swayed

The cough is nothing

It will not kill me

I won't die of a cough

Edgar:

Of that you can be sure

Have some of this Medoc to warm the bones

And defend you from this infernal dampness

Drink

Drink damn you

Fortunato:

I drink to the buried that repose around us

Edgar:

And I to your long life

The nitre

It hangs like moss

We are below the river's bed

The moisture trickles, chills the bones

Let's go back

Your cough

Fortunato:

The cough is nothing

But .............

Let us proceed to the Amontillado

Edgar:

So proceed

Herein the Amontillado

Now Mr. Bolo

Fortunato:

Mr. Bolo is an imbecile

An ignoramus

Edgar:

Can you not feel the nitre

You really should go

I implore you

No

Then I must leave you here

But first

Let me render you all the little attentions within my power

Fortunato:

The Amontillado

Hahahaha..

A very good joke indeed, haha..

We will have many a rich laugh about it

Over our wine in the palazzo

Edgar:

The Amontillado

Fortunato:

Yes, yes yes

The Amontillado

Edgar:

Well

Then let's go

Fortunato:

For, for the love of God

Edgar:

Precisely

For the love of God

Fortunato

Fortunato