Bars For My Brother

So many regrets

So many unanswered questions

I miss you...

Miss you so much...

Listen

Yo yo yo yo

I hope you're somewhere listening to this

I wish I knew why you did what you did

'Cause I still haven't really come to terms with the truth

There must have been something you were determined to do

The lessons you taught me, I can't forget

But there's so many unanswered questions

Now everything seems meaningless

You lived fast and died young

But my brother you were a genius

How could you ever believe that you'll survive

I don't care what they say, that shit is suicide

I won't lie, there was much distance between you and I

I should've told you not to do it, don't be stupid

You've got looks, got brains and your future's bright

Now you're gone I feel like I'm gon' lose my mind

I never thought you'd get yourself organised

I wish we saw the signs, the shock left us all traumatised

These are awful times, and I need more than rhymes

'Cause this was more than a tragedy

You can't just cheat the forces of gravity

You left me here to hold a brave face supporting the family

In a way you were dying to live

It's fucked up man, I'm crying while I'm writing this shit

Water from my eyes is stopping me from lighting my spliff

Why didn't you realise that your life is a gift

Mum and Dad don't understand why they've outlived their son

Every single CD, Mix Tape and Album to come

Is dedicated to no other than my blood brother

But I hate you, for the way you made my Mum suffer

Words can't explain, how a certain part of my heart hurts with the harshest pain

Last time we spoke, we said we weren't brothers and we aren't the same

I told myself you were too far past insane

How could we not take your death badly

I just asked mum and she said your name meant happy

But my soul is too cold to laugh

My heart bleeds when I'm looking at your old school photograph

I wish that I could touch your beautiful flesh

I'm writing but we ain't even had the funeral yet

Now death is something, that I'm staying ever ready for

You had plenty more to give, you weren't even 24

I don't understand why you had to die

In a lot of rappers rhymes, death is glamorised

Not me, I'll always stay remembering you

I should've known this was something you'd eventually do

When you got shift, we should've known it was bad

The next day I was sitting here consoling my Dad

It's like a nightmare, it still doesn't seem real

But this is my life,

It's the strange feeling I felt in the late night

Witnesses said that you fell from a great height

Can't be my brother man, tell me it ain't right

Right now I'd rather blaze, we could face life

Shit what a waste, what a shame

I just gotta make sure your life wasn't lost in vain

This is my brother, not just a departed friend

So hard for my |?| to start again

From now on our lives will never be the same

We holding on too tight for the memories to fade

24 years was hardly a life

On the day you passed, it's like a part of me died

I've been scarred many times but this pain is so much worse

And it's so much harder to describe

You will still be missed

I'm sorry we didn't support you, we thought we did

I wish I broke your leg so you couldn't jump

Now all I can do...is rep your fuckin name like I should've done

'Cause it's only right

I'm still not sleeping, but now I'm seeing your ghost at night

We all wish we could've stopped you

I know I can't go back in time now, but I want to

It's like a tightened knot that I can't undo

Why did I have to lose you to realise I loved you

Be careful what you wish for, in case it comes true

Right now I'm confused, feeling so subdued

When they arrested you, they wanted to sanction you

The only thing we did wrong was going and getting you

Next morning you was up, not doing what you was meant to do

That wasn't the life that you were meant to have

That wasn't the way that it was meant to be

You were sick, not physically but mentally

I still ain't got a fraction of this shit off of my chest

All that goes through my mind is them

Why why why did you die for no reason

All of a sudden the weathers cold its so freezin

Have you ever head the saying, when it rains it pours

Don't ever try to tell me my pain is the same as yours

'Cause it's not, and everything isn't what it seems

I'm pinching myself but I know that this is not a dream

Why did you have to do that, this isn't fair

Listen my brother, never think that I didn't care

There's no words to describe the way that this feels

Now I can clearly separate the fake from the real

Why did everyone else have to be bro

I still can't quiet believe that you're actually gone

Just 5 days, 5 days and it feels like the same day

Weed ain't helpin but I need it just to maintain

'Cause the bleak reality is terrible

And last night mom was practically hysterical

People I thought would care, couldn't care less

I need a lot of support 'cause I'm feeling bare stressed

And everyone else seems immature

I'm being tested, thinking what is there left that I'm living for

I need to clear my thoughts, stop thinking and try n breathe

Just a week ago I was so innocent and naive

Now my insides are burning like hells flames

I've realised up until now I've never felt pain

It's so evident that everything I cared about before was so irrelevant

There's certain people that call when they see that this shit is hurtin

But I see them for what they are now 'cause I'm a different person

R.I.P.

In fact fuck R.I.P

I want you to live through me

Live through me...

Live through me...

Live...through...me...