Fake ID

Ladies and gentleman, my name is Macklemore, this is my music and it feels so damn good right about now. Check it I got a story, yo it goes a little something like...

When I was 17 I was staying in NYC

And my homie told me where I could get a fake Id

"Aiyo son you better get that shit when you in NY"

So I hopped on the subway and I gave it a try

Plesant surprise the Id looked fine

5'9, blues eyes, born in 1979

Nervous as hell I went to the store with my homie

Came out and yelled "Dawg they sold me a 40"

You know that I was the man

Buying the contraband with a fake ass hologram

No more looking for bums, standing in the rain

Stranded on Broadway and giving 'em all my change

For the rest of the summer man I was on fades

17, had it made, getting drunk everyday

Eh, I got treated a whole new way

Because of a piece of plastic that proved I was of age

You know what I'm saying, all of a sudden you get this little piece of plastic and you're in the club.

Now for the next three years I had so much fun

Getting drunk in Hip-Hop clubs where you had to be 21

Then one day I was walking and I saw a sign

That said KRS-One 21 up and live

That's hella tight

Aiyo I heard he always ripped it

So I hopped up in my Civic and went out to by a ticket

When I got up the the door the bouncer checking Id's

Looks at mine and he's like "Nah we don't take these"

I tried to reach and grab my shit back

But the mother fucker was tougher than Shaq, on crack

I should of punched him, but I would have reached his knee cap

And that probably wouldn't have hurt him very much

He kept laughing and smilin' and he called me a dumb shit

And if I would of let myself I would have cried in public

Oh no, I'm like give it back bro

But no, my Id was jacked by the Caucasian Deebo

Ha I'm laughing right now but at the time it really was not funny and it's still not very funny. Fucker

Bitch why you got to take my Id?

Why do I have to be 21 to drink a Long Island Ice tea?

I hate bouncers with their bald heads and ten foot long legs and shirts that they outgrew when they were like ten

Get 'em

Your mother is dumb for having you

You're a bouncer because you have a small dick and as a kid everyone laughed at you

Get 'em

You're too big and you never seemed to listen

You look injected with the shit they give to KFC chickens

Get 'em

I don't like ya, at all I despise you

If I was tall I would fight you

If I was a dog I would bite you

Every single day you make people cry

And your job is to go and ruin teenager's lives

Ok I'm going too far bouncers aren't all bad

I'm sure they make great husbands and really strong dads

But hopefully you learned a lesson from me

Never take an MC's fake Id

Yup, I said never take an MC's fake Id

You could be buff and tough, it don't matter to me

'Cause you're going to get burned if you step to MCs