Stay At Home Dad

Alright baby girl, lets sing to it

You're getting your degree, you're going to college

I'm making music and hoping that kanye puts me on

But If I don't make it baby, will you be mad at me

If I just chilled at home as your stay-home-daddy?

Come on, Ill make you coffee (coffee), and a bagel (bagel)

And another bagel (2 bagels)

Keep on reading that paper, then its off you go

Hun your gonna be late, don't forget your briefcase, drive safe,

(peace babe)

Wake up the kids, toast the toast,

put the raisin bran up in the bowl

The toast... did I forget the toast?

The toast is toast, damnit I burnt the toast

Start crying, the kid's like Dad what's wrong?

Oh its not you kids

Its just me I'm alone... Dad's a little bit stressed... Oh FUCK!

Feeling so sensitive, Im going for a latte,

see whats popping at pilates

Hit up my friends like yo what up man,

you trying to have a spa date?

The fuck? Your a stay at home dad... that's not gay!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, you go to work, I mow the lawn

Ay, ay, ay, ay, you make the cheese

I'll bring the guac (Nacho Sauce, Spanish)

Ay, ay, ay, ay, you buy the clothes, I'll take them off (?)

Ay, ay, ay, ay, I'm a stay at home dad, this is my job

You go girl, get that promotion

Ill be on the sofa, collecting unemployment

Yelling at the tv, watching Maury Povich

Quit gropin' that girl, Maury Povich

Who is this Shelly Jones bitch?

Shit is 4 o'clock, time for Oprah (Oprah)

The gospel of the Lord, for dads who stay at home

Even though we can't get boners

But still Ill trade that for your lane cooking lasagna

Swoopin up the kids from soccer practice (soccer practice)

Then time for gymnastics, rice crispy treats and wax baggies

I'm with my kids in the mini-van, listening to NPR

With the windows down, through the cul de sac

Then its homework time, dinner time, set the placemats

Cut clean, tuck the rugrats in blankets

Then I lay you down, pop two cialis, put on stain and

Then go quench my palette

Is that douche, or does your cooch just smell like flowers?

Your feet are calloused, peppermint towlette

Jasmine pedicure? Scented oil, homeopathic backrub?

I am Aladin, your carpet is magic, your wish has been granted

I would just love to ride your carpet out of the palace

Now keep on bringing the green baby,

and I'll keep on tossin' salad

Ay, ay, ay, ay, you go to work, I mow the lawn

Ay, ay, ay, ay, you make the cheese

I'll bring the guac (Nacho Sauce, Spanish)

Ay, ay, ay, ay, you buy the clothes, I'll take them off (?)

Ay, ay, ay, ay, I'm a stay at home dad, this is my job

Ladies and gentlemen, we have been, conditioned to believe

We must fit in a role? brainwashed by babylon

Depicting our role must match our genitalia, hell to the no

Its men who go to work, and women raise the children,

but I know

The hardest job is maintaining the household

So I am doing a back to back, no tradebacks, with this briefcase

For 2010, I am staying at home!