I Wish I Were a Real Alaskan Girl

Oh, I wish I were a real Alaskan girl

I wish that I could hold my beer

I could wear hip waders in summer and heels at ten below

I'd have sexy wooly legs with long and flowing frozen hair

Oh to be a scowgirl in the Last Frontier

Where chicks run the Iditarod and win it

Oh, I could wrench on my own goose and I would jerk my own moose

And I'd drive a huge domestic truck and actually haul stuff in it

A little less sugar, little more spice

A whole lot of fire and even more ice

From Kotzebue to Ketchikan, from Dead Horse to Attu

Alaskan chicks can teach a city girl like me a thing or two

Oh, I wish I were a real Alaskan girl

Because I hear that they kick ass

Oh, it's easy to see why a local woman's in demand

The guys have to queue up for years to get a chance to hold your hand

I'd find me some big burly bush pilot boy

I would hook and reel him in and fiancé him

But if he ever double-crossed me or tried to do me wrong

I wouldn't hardly hesitate to skin, gut, and filet him

I'd shoot more than a camera at the animals and such

I'd eat Rudolph for breakfast and Bullwinkle for lunch

Alaskan girls are fearsome and fearless by design

They kill mosquitoes with a look and mess with trusting tourists' minds

They're ruggedly handsome in their way

They're wild and free and meant to be that way

So from Jakalof to Juneau raise a glass to a proud and

confident and deserving Alaskan woman you know

And from Beaver to Tatitlek, here's to ladies who understand that their

self-image should have nothing whatsoever to do with their shade of

lipstick

I wish I were a real Alaskan girl, but when it comes down to it

For most of us, Los Anchorage is gonna have to do it