Absolutely Positively.....Practical Jokes

I play practical jokes, just to get a laugh (ha hah)

I put roaches in my neighbor's bubblebath

But anyway one day she called upon me

She said, "Lyte - it's an emergency!"

My next door neighbor had an errand to run

I said, "Why Ms. Davis - ask your son"

She said, "Ricky's at his grandmother's"

I said, "Well what about Tommy, the younger brother?"

She said, "See, umm, he's at the pharmacy"

I said, "He'll be back soon how much longer could it be?"

She said, "C'mon please, it's just a trip uptown

If you leave right now you'll be back before sundown

Hurry up, there's not a moment to spare

It absolutely positively has to get there"

Umm, I contemplated then I played a good Samaritan

I started the car, then she threw the package in

It absolutely positively has to get there

(Get there?)

It absolutely positively has to get there

(Well then send it Federal Express!)

It absolutely positively has to get there

(It gotta get there?)

It absolutely positively got to get there!

(Yo who you rushin?)

Pumpin out the music on the FDR

Not far behind me was a DT car

So I eased up selector, 55 the digit

But on the FDR, 40 is the limit

Here they come, sirens on

I could see myself in jail til the break of dawn

But they rolled right by it wasn't me they was after

A little red corvette, they was tryin to capture

Dread I feel sweat so I set down my jacket

Look up ahead, now that's what I call traffic

Dipped to an exit and I made my way through

Couldn't believe when I hit first avenue

on a Honda's ass, just about to crash

Looked at the gauge and the shit said NO GAS

Zero, nada, nothing in here see

In car terms the shit was on empty

Got out, and pushed the shit to the side

Hailed a cab, then I caught a quick ride

to the house of inflation, yes the gas station

Gave a little tip to show my appreciation

Got back to the ave where I left my car

It wasn't there, but it couldn't have gone far

Hot damn, I must have got towed

Tried to figure out how much money I owed

Went to the pound and I paid my debt

Think that was the worst? You ain't heard nuttin yet

Bumped into that crackhead Sam I used to see

And like always, hand out, give me money

In my tank was a dollar's worth of gas

I had to get an ? machine fast

It absolutely positively has to get there

(Get there?)

It absolutely positively got to get there

(What?)

It absolutely positively got to get there

(Well send it some way else)

It absolutely positively has to get there

As I left the bank to walk back to the BM

Couldn't believe what my eyes were seein

Looked at the back tire, it was flate

while the other three, were SO DAMN FAT

A brother walked by and offered his help

Ordinarily I woulda did the shit myself

But he, changed it quick, so I passed him a ten

Here I go on this journey again

Went to the gas station, to fill it up

when a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump

I said, "LOOK, I don't need your help today"

and I scared the motherfucker and he was on his way

Oops, a cat, SHIT, scrat!

Fur on my tires, and all that

What's this, a stroke of bad luck?

But at this point, I don't even give a fuck

I got to get the package to the destination

No matter what the confrontation

I arrive, bag in my hand

Lookin for a woman named Pam

She opened the bag it was wrapped tight and snug

But in that bag yo, in that bag

45, guess what? (What was it Lyte?)

It was a box of q-tips .. a box of fuckin q-tips man!!!

{*laughter*}