Brownish Spider

[while, in my little world, I patched a plaster wall

and in my little world, I was waiting (just dying!)

to take offence at something

this is all there is in my sad little world]

in darkness a light shines

on you and on me

I never gathered figs from a thorny branch,

I never picked a grapefruit off a bramble bush

and for the past five- almost six years now!-

you know you haven't once looked at me

with kindness in your eyes

you say Judas is a brother of mine?

but sister in our darkness a light shines

and all I ever want to say for the rest of my life

is how that light is G-d,

and though I've been mistaken on this or that point,

that light is nevertheless G-d.

every thing I thought I'd learned

ambition and illusion turned

to drawings on a loose leaf sheet

of tarts and cakes I couldn't eat

what in her do I require?

the face of gratified desire

what in me does she require?

the face of a gratified desire

brownish spider,

brownish leaf

confirms my deepest held belief.

no more spider,

no more leaf,

no more me,

no more belief.