Portrait Of a Woman On a Couch With Cats

Was raised to believe that hell's just for the people in my head

Such a dear friend to me to make me believe it's where I'm living

So so long fairweather friends, I'll see you when I'm feeling more eloquent

God willing then, I'll be easier to digest

I hope you don't mind me

In the corner, losing sleep

As you step out the door to leave

Goddamn, I need a cigarette

Anything for me to excuse my weighted chest

I have lots of growing left, so please call me on it

But in the end I think we could all be more honest

So I cannot hold my head too high

If I'm trying to acknowledge all these faults of mine

It's a process that never ceases to remind

Just when I think I can leave my shadow behind

In other words, I'm doing well

I'm learning what care means without anyone else

I don't blame you, I wish I could've left myself

But my wrist is now clean and my thoughts are more clear

I hope you will listen, but hope you won't hear me

Tripping, stumbling, falling on deaf ears

These issues aren't unique

But it's so hard to not feel bleak

When I haven't slept all week

But I still keep hanging on

I will bear this heavy chest, let it rise and fall

And maybe I'll grow out of it before I'm done

But you won't catch me hedging me bets on it

I just might be more effort than I'm worth

I guess I can't blame you, but I can't say it doesn't hurt

Won't say I'll make it up to you, but what I know for sure

Is I'm thankful that you ever happened

I'm still here, I'm still trying

I still fear that I'm lying and it's really not fine