Campus Crusade

Sister Cindy used to be a disco queen

Until she come to Jesus, now she's saved

Out on the West Mall with ole Brother Jed

She's fighting the Holy War, the Campus Crusade

Every spring they seem to invade

Oh my God, it's the lunatic fringe on parade

She'd say "I too used to be a sinner

I was a whore among whoremongers

Promiscuous, I used to sniff cocaine

But I live that life no longer

I met Brother Max Lynch and he took me home

But he was a perfect gentleman

We talked about Jesus all night long

The next day I got baptized, washed of my sins

You who are sinners and won't repent

You're going straight to hell

Cast in the Lake of Fire"

(And on the subject of wailing

And gnashing of teeth

Sister Cindy did not easily tire)

She'd say, "Ye must forsake your earthly desires

Ye must pray for the day that Satan retires"

Then it was Brother Jed's turn to testify

Out came the sermon on Rock Stars in Hell

Now can you imagine John Lennon singing

"Imagine there's no heaven"?

The Hendrix 'Experience' he shuddered to tell

And then out came the sermon on the Middle East

And he set on the ground these Dixie cups

He said, "These represent the Arab states when Zion returns"

And then proceed to smash them up

Crush each one of them Dixie cups with a spiteful god's vengeance

He gave a twist of the foot to the Dixie cup that was Palestine

The Middle Eastern students in the crowd would choke with rage

They'd rush to charge the infidels

The campus crusaders wrapped their sermon up quick

"You whores and whoremongers are going straight to hell"

Knock knock (who's there?)

Armageddon (Armageddon who?)

Armageddon outta here...

I'm gonna jump headfirst into that lake of fire

Sister Cindy, Brother Jed, I'm forced to tell

Because with the likes of you campus crusaders up in heaven

I think hell is gonna be just swell