Otto Titsling

Otto Titsling, inventor and Kraut,

had nothing to get very worked up about.

His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.

He fled to the opera at least twice a week.

One night at the opera he saw an Aida

who's bust was so big it would often impede her.

Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,

done in by the weight of those terrible tits.

Oh, my god! There she was!

Aerodynamically this girl was a mess.

Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,

and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration

flood his soul. He ran back to his workshop

where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:

to lift and mold the female breast;

to point the small ones to the sky;

to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort

searching for the right support.

He tried some string and paper clips.

Hey! He even tried his own two lips!

Well, he stiched and he slaved

and he slaved and he stitched

until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,

Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.

Yes! He had invented the world's first

over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!

Exhausted but ecstatic Otto ran

out to the diva bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.

Now, the diva did not wanna try the darn thing on.

But, after many initial mishaps,

she finally did.

And the sigh of relief that issued forth

from her mouth

was so loud that it was mistaken by some

to be the early onset of the Seraken Winds

which would often roll through the Schwarzwald

with a vengeance!

Ahhhhh-i!

But little did Otto know,

at the moment of his greatest triumph,

lurking under the diva's bed

was none other than the very worst

of the French patent thieves,

Phillip DeBrassiere.

And Phil was watching the scene

with a great deal of interest!

Later that night, while Brunhilda slept,

into the wardrobe Phillip softly crept.

He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,

till he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!

I'm gonna make me a million from this!

Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.

I will have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:

Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?