Amnesia

I can see myself tucked in and fast asleep,

looking all peaceful, but in my dreams I weep.

from far up I'm looking down upon myself,

and I wonder who it is that's lying there.

I feel like in a world all beside myself,

afraid I won't wake up, with no one there to care.

I know someone used to watch me in my sleep,

but some things seem just impossible to keep.

I fight hard to bring it back into my mind,

but to no use, it all seems to be a blank.

I wonder what it was that had me defined,

but one thing I know: I have myself to thank.

I feel like I have amnesia,

but I know it's myself I've lost.

I wonder what's happened so far,

and what might have been the cost.

I'm not sure I want to know

any of the things I've done.

I don't know yet where to go,

but I'll accept my past is gone.

I feel like I have amnesia,

and I've missed the heavenly host.

I'm surprised I've come this far,

living without what I need most.

I don't think I can go back,

to the things that were before.

though I'm now always wearing black,

I don't bemoan my life of yore.

I wake up and feel like I should be at home,

but I do not know this, it's not where I belong.

my head is dazed and my mind is all confused,

and I'm not quite sure that I'm really there.

but the mirror shows me looking out, bemused,

into a blank place that could be anywhere.

I feel like I have been left out in the cold,

and it hurts to know that this is all my fault.

I leave this place to find familiar ground,

but the whole world seems to have been rearranged.

now my former self is nowhere to be found,

and I know that it's myself that's changed.