Righthand Heart

Walking down the hall feeling like a jerk

So detached it hurts

I meet this girl with a righthand heart

I notice nothing until we start to kiss

And my hand goes beneath her dress

To the lefthand breast

Downstairs the party’s going full swing

The people we came with haven’t noticed a thing

And as I tease the teat with my teeth

I feel nothing underneath

She moves my head across her chest

Puts my ear against the righthand breast

Sure enough her heart is there

Loud and clear

Beat, beating, beating on

The right side of oblivion

Beat, beating, beating on

The wrong side of her body

And though I know there’s nothing dangerous in it

I’m feeling queasy, getting worse by the minute

Wondering how to escape this nightmare

When up the stair

Comes this boy with no heart at all

Him and her they make the perfect couple

Him so blind in his rapacity

That he doesn’t even see it

Beat, beating, beating on

I was lying on the bed when the lights went out

And the butcher climbed in with the meat hanging out

He had a polyester suit, the guy was a dude

He dressed like a lawyer but he sexed real good

400 push-ups, straight as a rod

Grimacing in the pillow with a face like a dog

He’s wagging his tail, she opens her legs

The little cocker spaniel gets up and begs

Nick nack heart attack, give the dog a bone

Knees up, who’s up Old Mother Brown?

Rubber boy, bovver boy, my son John

Kills all the Judys with his big hard on

Pop goes the weasel, bang goes the deal

Punch went to market to club a few seals

Cat got the baby, Judy fell apart

This little piggy had a righthand heart

And as I contemplate this mating of rapacity and sickness

Of which I am the fascinated, unwilling witness

I see he couldn’t care where her heart might be

And I say: What the hell is wrong with me?

Am I just too pure and too proud?

And as the bed creaks I ask myself aloud

Could it be that what makes me a freak

Is my contempt for freaks?

I start to sweat, I feel it approach

Familiar self-hate, familiar self-reproach

And deep inside it beats so hard

My righthand heart

Beat, beating, beating on

The right side of oblivion

Beat, beating, beating on

The wrong side of my body

Beat, beating, beating on

The right side of oblivion

Beat, beating, beating on