I Wonder What Happened To Him?

Verse 1

The india that one read about

And may have been misled about

In one respect has kept itself intact.

Though 'pukka sahib' traditions may have cracked

And thinned

The good old indian army's still a fact.

That famous monumental man

The officer and gentleman

Still lives and breathes and functions from bombay to katmandu

At any moment one can glimpse

Matured or embryonic 'blimps'

Vivaciously speculating as to what became of who.

Though eastern sounds may fascinate your ear

When west meets west you're always sure to hear-

Refrain 1

Whatever became of old bagot?

I haven't seen him for a year.

Is it true that young forbes had to marry that faggot

He met in the vale of kashmir?

Have you had any news

Or that chap in the "blues",

Was it prosser or pyecroft or pym?

He was stationed in simla, or was it bengal?

I know he got tight at a ball in nepal

And wrote several four-letter words on the wall.

I wonder what happened to him!

Refrain 2

Whatever became of old shelley?

Is it true that young briggs was cashiered

For riding quite nude on a push-bike through delhi

The day the new viceroy appeared?

Have you had any word

Of that bloke in the 'third',

Was it southerby, sedgwick or sim?

They had him thrown out of the club in bombay

For, apart from his mess bill exceeding his pay,

He took to pig-sticking in quite the wrong way.

I wonder what happened to him!

Verse 2

One must admit that by and large

Upholders of the british raj*

Don't shine in conversation as a breed.

Though indian army officers can read

A bit

Their verbal wit-has rather run to seed.

Their splendid insularity

And roguish jocularity

Was echoing through when victoria was queen.

In restaurants and dining-cars,

In messes, clubs and hotel bars

They try to maintain tradition in the way it's always been.

Though worlds may change and nations disappear

Above the shrieking chaos you will hear-

Refrain 3

Whatever became of old tucker?

Have you heard any word of young mills

Who ruptured himself at the end of a chukka

And had to be sent to the hills?

They say that young lees

Had a go of 'd.t.'s'

And his hopes of promotion are slim.

According to stubbs, who's a bit of a louse,

The silly young blighter went out on a 'souse',

And took two old tarts into government house.

I wonder what happened to him!

Refrain 4

Whatever became of old keeling?

I hear that he got back from france

And frightened three nuns in a train in darjeeling

By stripping and waving his lance!

D'you remember munroe,

In the p.a.v.o?

He was tallish and mentally dim.

The talk of heredity can't be quite true,

He was dropped on his head by his ayah at two,

I presume that by now he'll have reached g.h.q.

I'm sure that's what happened to him!

Refrain 5

Whatever became of old archie?

I hear he departed this life

After rounding up ten sacred cows in karachi

To welcome the governor's wife.

D'you remember young phipps

Who had very large hips

And whose waist was excessively slim?

Well, it seems that some doctor in grosvenor square

Gave him hormone injections for growing his hair

And he grew something here, and he grew something there.

I wonder what happened to her-him?

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