Reviewing the situation

A man's got a heart, hasn't he?

Joking apart, hasn't he?

And though I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint

I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint

I'm reviewing the situation

Can a fellow be a villain all his life?

All the trials and tribulation

Better settle down and get myself a wife!

And a wife would cook and sew for me

And come for me, and go for me

And go for me and nag at me

The fingers she will wag at me

The money she will take from me

A misery, she'd make from me

I think I'd better think it out again!

A wife you can keep, anyway

I'd rather sleep, anyway

Left without anyone in the world

And I'm starting from now

So how to win friends and to influence people?

So how?

I'm reviewing the situation

I must quickly look up everyone I know

Titled people, with a station

Who can help me make a real impressive show!

I will own a suite at Claridges

And run a fleet of carriages

And wave at all the duchesses

With friendliness, as much as is

Befitting of my new estate

"Good morning to you, Magistrate!"

I think I'd better think it out again

So where shall I go, somebody?

Who do I know? Nobody!

All my dearest companions

Have always been villains and thieves!

So at my time of life I should start

Turning over new leaves?

I'm reviewing the situation

If you want to eat, you've got to earn a bob!

Is it such a humiliation

For a robber to perform an honest job?

So a job I'm getting, possibly

I wonder who my boss will be?

I wonder if he'll take to me?

What bonuses he'll make to me?

I'll start at eight and finish late

At normal rate, and all, but wait!

I think I'd better think it out

I think I'd better think it out again!

What happens when I'm seventy?

Must come a time, seventy

When you're old, and it's cold

And who cares if you live or you die?

Your one consolation's the money

You may have put by

I'm reviewing the situation

I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay!

You'll be seeing no transformation

But it's wrong to be a rogue in every way

I don't want nobody hurt for me

Or made to do the dirt for me

This rotten life is not for me

It's getting far too hot for me

There is no in between for me

But who will change the scene for me?

Don't want no one to rob for me

But who will find a job for me?

I think I'd better think it out again!