Private I

I want to wear a Stetson hat and a long trench coat

And I want to find a case-solving clue on a bloodstained note

Mysterious dames will hire me

To solve their dead uncle's mystery

And I'll carry a gun but I'll only shoot the bad guys

I want to be a private eye

I want to go where no man's ever gone before

And I want to wield my evil father's laser sword

One little step for me

Gets bigger when there's no gravity

And I'm gonna fly high in the sky faster than the speed of thought

I'm gonna be an astronaut

CHORUS:

People always ask me, "When you gonna grow up

And when you do what will you be?"

That's when I always tell them if I'm gonna grow up

I'll do it on my own sweet time and what I become is still up to me

I want to be the fastest draw in the wild, wild West

In boot and spurs and a ten-gallon hat I'll be well dressed

I'll catch the bandits and throw them in jail

I'll win a shootout at the OK Corral

Oh bury me not on the lone prairie don't fence me in, Roy

I want to be a cowboy

I want to say, "Land ho! Argghh! Avast!" and "Batten down the hatches!"

And I want to have a peg leg, a hook for an arm, and two eyepatches

I'll run you through then make you walk the plank or

I'll tie you to a two-ton anchor

I'll be a pirate I'll show no fear

I want to be a buccaneer

(What's a buccaneer?)

(Too much to pay for corn.)

(ha ha ha.)

CHORUS

In the sandbox and on the jungle gym

Barbie dolls and Tonka trucks were made for her and him

I don't know I don't know

But you just ask my mom, she says I can be whatever I want to be

And you just ask your dad if you can come over and play with me

I wanna be a photo-journalist college kid

And I wanna get bitten by a radioactive arachnid

One lesson that'll be learned by me

Is that with great power comes great responsibility

And I'll have an uncanny spider-sense and web-shooters on my hands

I wanna be Spider-Man!

(Cool!)

I want to arc through the air with the grace of a falcon

Then I want to jump into the arms of Macaulay Caulkin

While the other kids are dancing to U2

I'll be spinning round and round in a tutu

I wanna be as limber as fully cooked semolina

I want to be a male ballerina

(You wanna be a WHAT?)

(I wanna be a male ballerina!)

(No way!)

(No it's not, my mommy says that I can be whatever I wanna be, like who

do YOU wanna be? fricken uh...)

(Spider-Man, man)

(Spider-Man, oh, Spider-Man... like how about a cowboy, gimme a break,

Wyatt Earp didn't even exist! You're singing about the OK Corral, you

See the episode Spectre of the Gun from Star Trek, you think you know

Everything there is to know about Wyatt Earp, gimme a fricken break!)

(Hey, I know everything I *need* to know about Wyatt Earp, OK!)

(Yeah, well, wasn't he just some old guy that died in a fricken nursing

home?)

(Yeah, well, at least I'm not a fricken... a fricken...)

(Just shut up and sing the chorus, OK?)

(OK...)

CHORUS