Bells

I am sad and grateful

I am lonely and rejoicing

I ring the bells alone, I ring the bells for you

Forgive me the impermanence of my joy

And the permanence of my joy

I am present in my truth

Though you were right, I lost myself

I abide in my discomfort

And in everything you gave me

I can try to hide from suffering

But I know that won't save me

I must count it all as joy

I must let love be love in me

I can be strong, I can be kind

I can be good to myself and anyone who lets me

Now I am simple, I am alone

Like a pale flower floating on the surface

Of the wide sea the world drives between all of our hearts

The one you must navigate in order to love

In trying to swim there but refusing to let go

We weighed each other down and eventually we drowned

We can speak the words of women and angels

But without real love, it's just sad noise

I can open my heart and let everything out

But that won't save me - I'll just be empty

I am raw and awed and frightened

In the presence of my truth

I am sitting with my fear

I am reverent in its light

I am starting where I am

I move forward on my own

And I ring the bells alone

But with only you in mind