Dorothy's Pie

Vern said "hey Dorothy, what are you baking?

It smells awfully good, I bet you must be making

My favorite apple pie, honey, please tell me it's true."

Dorothy said "yes Vern, but it's not for you, dear

I made it for the bake sale this Sunday at church, you hear

So don't go stealing a piece, now, Vernon, don't you!

He sulked over supper and settled for cookies

But there at that pie on the stove he kept looking

With the thought that some stranger would have it, which he could not stand

He sat in his sad resignation all evening

Moped off to bed, stared at the ceiling

Then he started to smile, because Vern was devising a plan

Now most folks who have met him insist that he seems like a reasonable guy

So before I describe what he did, let me explain to you why…you see…

CHORUS:

After forty some years of her rhubarb and apple

Still nothing on earth could make Vernon more happy

Than the thought of a slice with a scoop of ice cream on the side

And that's why Vern had to buy Dorothy's pie

That Sunday Morning, quite coolly and calmly

Vern shaved and buttoned his shirt nonchalantly

Drove them to church, said his glory be's and amens

Afterwards Dorothy fetched her creation

Went to the church hall to make her donation

And Vern followed closely behind with his secret intent

Passing by tables of brownies with walnuts

Poppy seed pastries and cheese cakes and cream puffs

He was unwavering, keeping his eye on the prize

And when she arrived at the back where you check-in

Vern stepped in with a deft interception

Slapped down a five on the table, and said "that pie is mine!"

Maybe you've heard of the old aphorism, "Love made a fool out of me"

Well, Love made Vern one in just 40 minutes at 425 degrees

CHORUS:

And actually he says the ice cream isn't needed

Because every piece of Dorothy's pie by itself is complete

She bakes all kinds of sweetness inside