Riley The Rattler

Yeah, baby

I'm Riley the Rattler, but who really cares

Stuck in the desert eating toads and hares

Enduring the dryness and all that heat

Crawling over rocks until I'm beat

Spending the nights just trying to be cool

I'm rejected in love, man, I feel like a fool

I'm telling you it's tough to wear these scales

Have two buck teeth and rattles on your tail

Nobody likes me - even the other snakes hide

While I slither around and rattle my pride

The only thing going for me are my ferocious eyes

I can stare down a mouse until it cries

So what's the big deal? It takes a mouse a day

Just to keep the doctor away

The days are sweltering and the nights are cold

The hunters are merciless, the coyote's too bold

I haven't bitten a good human in weeks

All that show up are a bunch of geeks

They stole my name and put it on a stadium

They stole my rattle and named it Palladium

They swiped my scales and fashioned a purse

How would you feel with that wretched curse?

You know the whole thing about this whole affair

Is that I have to go through life without any hair

I have a tongue so long it gets caught in the weeds

When it gets too sore I can't chew seeds

I suppose you think squirting venom in an artform

I'll let you in on a secret, bud, it just gives me heartburn

The weekends are the worst with the trail-ridin' honkies

Tearing up the earth with their horses and donkeys

There once was a time when I could lay on a rock

Take in the sun without watching the clock

Now all I do is hide in some hole

And breathe in the gas fumes and look for a mole

It's a disgusting life for the chief of all snakes

I don't get no respect from all those flakes

In years gone by I was king of the road

Just one coil would scare the warts off a toad

Guess there's no sense in complaining about things as they are

I'm just lucky I haven't been hit by a car

Just thinking of traffic can give me a chill

One false move and I'll end up road kill

A guy on TV gets 4 mill for being a Diamondback

If I get caught I'm stuffed in a sack

Thrown in a trunk with smelly cactus

And later dumped out to become target practice

I'm Riley the Rattler, but who gives a hoot

They spend hours looking for me, just to shoot

I'd give my left rattle to trap one gun

And bite him a good one right on the bun

I'm Riley the Rattler and I'm bad to the core

I gotta change my look, you know, like Al Gore

Say baby, let's slither up the knoll

Coil around a toadstool and shake, rattle, and roll

Yeah baby....