Draft Dodger Rag

Oh, I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town

I believe in God and Senator Dodd and a-keepin' old Castro down

And when it came my time to serve I knew "better dead than red"

But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said:

CHORUS

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school

And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant

I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back

I'm allergic to flowers and bugs

And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits

And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs

I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes

I can hardly reach my knees

And if the enemy came close to me

I'd probably start to sneeze

I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school

And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant

Ooh, I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies,

Onething you gotta see

That someone's gotta go over there

And that someone isn't me

So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell!

Kill me a thousand or so

And if you ever get a war without blood and gore

I'll be the first to go

Yes, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school

And I'm working in a DEE-fense plant