Ass-Kissin' Lips

Ass-Kissin' Lips :

Sometime in May the Harlequin came

From under the axles of some parade.

His pockets clinked with many things

That could make one a virgin again.

Isn't it fine? Swing a dead monkey

From a vine...

"Such a lovely town

They've all got new brown

Shingles on their rooftops,

And the view of the sewer gates is something quite serene

From the clotheslines where they hang their little dreams..."

He lurches into the local chapter of B-movie stuntmen

Who've retired after showing off their favorite injuries;

Twelve-sixteenths are now amputees.

The one with scurvy gums and rubber nose plugs is screaming like a camel,

"Watch me bust up the scene

With lungs of kerosene

and blow myself halfway to Kingdom Come!"

How could He have known the forests of the East

Were full of their tinlegs and philacteries

When the pale ones gathered alms

From the charity of His loaded pockets?

La-Dee-Da, it's dirt for dinner again,

While the others are chewing on the Cud of the Land...

All the cowboys in the county drug store whistle as he walks in,

But the corrugated air

Reveals there's something hiding there

Behind the scratching of the runts and stupid grins.

The Stranger feigns a smile

And asks the way to the complimentary booze aisle,

When some wino at the door

Calls across the floor,

"Look at His spurs the size of God's Great Tooth!"

La Luh-bi-duh Da da da da da da da...

Well, the pale ones gathered alms

From the charity of His loaded pockets.

La-Dee-Da, it's dirt for dinner again,

While the others are chewing on the Cud of the Land...

His breath smelled of brandy

And peppermint candy

That He always kept close at hand.

He walked like His legs were made out of kegs,

And He spoke with a very strange rhythm...

La-Da Da-Da Da Da

Before the fainting Mr. Greeze

Performs his famous surgeries -

Ladies in the front row all remove their hats.

They curse like whales

And spend time spitting gales

Because the carelessness of tongue extensions

in this day and age

Are such a heavy burden on the brain.

Call the Doctors of the Gallows

They'll take the blame for everything that's gone alright

Since the Censor's hairy sight

Proclaimed it the miracle they promised it would be.

Now promises are all that they could need.