Ozzie Girl

So um, actually

I was in love with this fella’s best friend

He was way more good looking, and um

Anyway, he fancied my best friend

So that kinda screwed things up for me

But I thought, you know

If I get together with the best mate

I get to hang out with the guy I really like

So I did, you know?

Um, but I was a virgin

And he was not

That’s true

He was also, I think, a drug addict already

But um, anyway

So we hung out as a foursome a lot

He was a terrible kisser

And the other guy looked like a really good kisser

I used to watch the others kissing

And it was like, hot, really hot

Anyway, finally, we go to this party

And my sister is dating this-guy-I'm-seeing’s brother, right?

So they go off for a wander in a field

And I know what they’re going to do

And then the guy I'm seeing says

Do you want to go for a walk?

And I'm like: Oh, shit

But I went: OK, sure

And he was leaving that night to go to the airport

So I thought, you know, what can go wrong?

If it does go wrong, he’s leaving, so

You know, if he abducts me

He can only abduct me for, like, an hour

So then we go for a walk

And uh, we lie down in this field

And there’s a full Moon, and it’s so romantic

Except, it’s not romantic

Because there’re fucking prickles all over my ass

And like, in my head and my neck

And he’s like dry-humping me

But I just go with it, you know

And then he’s like getting his donger out

And putting on a you-know-what

And then he goes: Guide me

And I'm like: No