Historically Accurate Disney Princess Song

At sunset I wander through the village

Glowing in the twilight and so quiet

Well, it's quiet 'cause most people died of a plague

Caused by jealous witches

I wander through the village and I think

That my life is missing something dear

As I stop to rest and cough up blood, I wonder

When will I find my prince?

I wander through the village and I notice

That everyone but me has found a love

There goes the blacksmith with his daughter/wife

Ten years old and pregnant with her brother/son

I wander through the village sighing deeply

Seeking guidance from the statue in the square

It's a statue of Christ adorned with thief hands

Oh, when will I find my prince?

Oh look, everyone, it's my friends from the forest, the Jews

Hello, Jews! You know, I never did ask you: Why do you live in the forest?

Oh, I see, to hide from people trying to kill you

Well that's very resourceful, my beaky little friends

Tell me: Have you ever had a dream that wouldn't come true?

Oh, I see, your dream is that people won't want to kill you

Well, that's definitely a dream that won't come true!

Oh, goodbye, goodbye! Jews

Oh, if I found my prince

We'd have a wedding elegant and rare

We'd dine on kidney cream and horse vagina

Drink champagne and torture a bear

Oh, if I found my prince

The castle would be filled with love and laughter

And he'd fill me with his seed, forcibly and rough

I'd give birth to a son and then die right after!

I wander through the village seeking answers

But love hasn't given me a glimpse!

It isn't in this shop or in this cart of baby corpses

Oh, when will I find my prince?

When, hand Jesus?!

Oh, when will I find my prince?