Stand Up Comic

Now I don't mind if fifty thousand yobos pick[? beat?] me up outside a

Football ground on a Saturday afternoon. I'll still come out fighting.

D'you know why? You've seen me on television. I'm the lowest common

Denominator. And this is all about your[yob?] culture. So welcome to jolly

Ol' England! I'm the stand up comic.

Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde

And the followers of style say it's the latest thing

And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week

And anyone who says different is a fuckin' antique

And Noel Coward has become very hard[?]

And the comic says "bollocks" and everybody laughs

And that's that

Style, I mean

Never was much, never has been

But the little bit that was was all that we had

And the clown does a belch and we all belch back

And that's that

Jack the Lad has become Fancy Dan

And creating agro[?] culture with a rub-on tan

And all the tearaways[?] have got savior faire

And the working class hero's got a tinted hair[?]

And a well-spoken hero from a yesteryear

Walks out onto a stage and they all shout "queer!"

And that's that

Manners, I mean

Never was much, never has been

But the little bit that was was all that we had

And now the clown does a fart and we all fart back

And that's that

Stand up, stand up

Can you hear me at the back?

All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row

And the comic shouts

And we all shout back

And the mob says "follow" so we go

Stand up, stand up

Can you hear me at the back?

All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row

And the comic shouts

And we all shout back

And the mob says "follow" so we go

And that's that

What do you think of it so far?

I knew you'd say that

You've been watching too much television

Together now!

Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde

And the followers of style say it's the latest thing

And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week

And anyone who says different is an antique

And Noel Coward has become very odd[?]

And the comic says "bollocks" and everybody laughs

And that's that

Style, I mean

Never was much, never has been

But the little bit that was was all that we had

And the clown does a belch and we all belch back

And that's that

All together now!

Stand up, stand up

Can you hear me at the back?

All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row

And the comic shouts

And we all shout back

And the mob says "follow" so we go

Stand up, stand up

Can you hear me at the back?

All you wide [white?] boys standing in a row

And the comic shouts

And we all shout back

And the mob says "follow" so we go

And that's that

Well, I'm going down the pub now. You're welcome to join me if you

Like but I know you won't. You've all been watching too much

Television. Well I'll be in the public bar, minding my own business.