Tango: Maureen

JOANNE

Mark?

MARK

Hi.

JOANNE

I told her not to call you

MARK

That's Maureen

But can I help since I'm here

JOANNE

I hired an engineer ...

MARK

Great!

Well, nice to have met you

JOANNE

Wait!

She's three hours late

The samples won't delay

But the cable --

MARK

There's another way

Say something -- anything

JOANNE (into the mike)

Test -- one, two three --

MARK

Anything but that

JOANNE

This is weird

MARK

It's weird

JOANNE

Very weird

MARK

Fuckin' weird

JOANNE

I'm so mad

That I don't know what to do

Fighting with microphones

Freezing down to my bones

And to top it all off

I'm with you

MARK

Feel like going insane?

Got a fire in your brain?

And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

JOANNE

As a matter of fact --

MARK

Honey, I know this act

It's called the 'Tango Maureen'

The Tango Maureen

It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round

As she keeps you dangling

JOANNE

You're wrong

MARK

Your heart she is mangling

JOANNE

It's different with me

MARK

And you toss and you turn

'Cause her cold eyes can burn

Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

JOANNE

I think I know what you mean

BOTH

The Tango Maureen

MARK

Has she ever pouted her lips

And called you 'Pookie'

JOANNE

Never

MARK

Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

JOANNE

This is spooky

Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

MARK

Every time -- so be cautious

JOANNE

Did she moon over other boys?

MARK

More than moon --

JOANNE

I'm getting nauseous

MARK

It's hard to do this backwards.

JOANNE

You should try it in heels!

She cheated

MARK

She cheated

JOANNE

Maureen cheated

MARK

Fuckin' cheated

JOANNE

I'm defeated

I should give up right now

MARK

Gotta look on the bright side

With all of your might

JOANNE

I'd fall for her still anyhow

BOTH

When you're dancing her dance

You don't stand a chance

Her grip of romance

Make you fall

MARK

So you think, 'Might as well'

JOANNE

"Dance a tango to hell"

BOTH

'At least I'll have tangoed at all'

The Tango Maureen

Gotta dance 'till your diva is through

You pretend to believe her

Cause in the end you can't leave her

But the end it will come

Still you have to play dumb

Till you're glum and you bum

And turn blue

MARK

Why do we love when she's mean?

JOANNE

And she can be so obscene

MARK

Try the mike

JOANNE

My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)

MARK

Patched

JOANNE

Thanks

MARK

You know -- I feel great now!

JOANNE

I feel lousy

BOTH

The Tango Maureen!