Heart Emoji

Classic FM in my earbuds

Awake with an achy tooth

I see a spider silhouetted on the dresser

Caught in the glow of a text

Who in the hell would be messaging you

At three-o'-bloody-clock in the morning?

The screen of your mobile goes dark before I can draw focus

You're snoring like a pig

I creep around the bed and

Key in your passcode

Our daughter's date of birth

To have all my fears confirmed

With a heart emoji

A heart emoji

And the words: I miss you too

We were assistant bar managers at the Carling Academy

Paying for our degrees, serving piss to the hordes

On a seemingly never-ending loop

I hadn't been working there very long

You were giving me a bollocking for pouring a Guinness wrong

When the announcement came over the PA

To evacuate the building

Huddled under your parka

In the doorway of Cash Converters

You had the cheek to ask me on a date

I said, I'd not consider it

Until you apologise

Apologise, apologise

And mean it

Get the carving knife from the dishwasher

To stick through your heart

And take a backward step

To feel the touch of something cold and wet

And to my horror

To my horror

There's a slug squashed between my toes