Bob Rivers
Lyric guide

The 12 Pains of Christmas

Read The 12 Pains of Christmas lyrics by Bob Rivers on LyroVerse, with linked artist context and related song paths.

Bob Rivers visibility0 visits
person Curated by Ethan Walker LyroVerse team
Reference snapshot

The page facts to cite before the commentary

Use this page for the lyric text, linked artist context, and any LyroVerse editor's note attached to the song. Listener comments remain user-generated and should not be treated as the primary source.

Page type: lyric reference Artist: Bob Rivers Canonical path: /rivers-bob/the-12-pains-of-christmas Related lyric paths: 6
Lyrics

The 12 Pains of Christmas

The lyric stays readable and compact here; the note and related paths sit nearby so you do not lose the song while looking for context.

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Five months of bills

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Facing my inlaws

Five months of bills

"I hate those Christmas cards!"

Hangovers

Rigging up these lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Salvation Army

Facing my inlaws

Five months of bills

Sending Christmas cards

"Aw geez"

"I'm trying to rig up these lights!"

And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

"I want ant farmer for Christmas"

"Charities, and what do you mean your inlaws?"

Five months of bills

"Ah, mailing out these cards!"

"Edith, get me a beer, huh!"

"What, we have no extension chord?!?"

And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Finding parking spaces

"Daddy, I want some candy!"

"Donations!"

Facing my inlaws

Five months of bills

"Writing up those Christmas cards"

Hangovers

"Now why the hell aren't they blinking?"

And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Batteries not included

No parking spaces

"Buy me something!"

"Get a job ya bum!"

Facing the inlaws

Five months of bills

"Yo ho, sending Christmas cards"

"Ah geez, look at this!"

"One light goes out, they all go out!"

And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Stale TV specials

Batteries not included

No parking spaces

"I gotta go to the bathroom"

Charities

"She's a witch, I hate her!"

Five months of bills

"Oh, I don't even know half these people!"

"Who's got the toilet paper?"

"Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!"

And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Singing Christmas Carols

Stale TV specials

Batteries not included

No parking

"Waaah!"

Charities

Gotta make 'em dinner

Five months of bills

"I'm not sending them, Mister, that's it!"

"Shut up, you!"

"Fine, you're so smart, you rig up the lights!"

And finding a Christmas tree

Quick answers

What this page can answer fast

Who performs "The 12 Pains of Christmas"?

Bob Rivers performs "The 12 Pains of Christmas", and this lyric page sits inside the Bob Rivers catalog on LyroVerse.

Are there related songs to explore after "The 12 Pains of Christmas"?

Yes. The related section below points to Mr. Magoo and Oxycontin Eater with a short reason for opening each page next.

Where can I find more songs by Bob Rivers?

Use the artist link near the top of the page or the related paths section below to keep moving through Bob Rivers's lyric pages.

Song Room

Interpretations, questions, and corrections for this song

Interpretations, questions, memories, and correction notes live together here. The room stays noindex while the best insights are reviewed.

Open Song Room
0 followers Selected insights only surface after moderation
Listener comments

What people are saying

0 comments
Add a short interpretation or memory

A strong comment here is specific: the phrase you keep hearing, the mood you come back for, or the reason this song stays in rotation.

Sign in to post the first listener note. Reporting stays open to everyone.

No listener comments on The 12 Pains of Christmas yet.