I Fucking Love Christmas

I’m full of Christmas semen, I don’t know what that is but it’s hot

It’s a sparkling orgasm, inside an oatmeal cookie shot

And when I put my Santa hat on it’s a needle full of Christmas glee

Coating my house in frilly shit

and Disney trademark intellectual property

Cause it’s snowing

I love shopping

and I fu fu fu fu fu fucking love Christmas

Setting up the lights

So my fucking house sings

cause I’m fucking batshit crazy about Christmas

If Christmas was living

I’d fuck it to death

and then consume it’s body

For it’s Christmas breath

cause it’s growing

I’m not stopping

I fufufufucking love Christmas

Ladies and gentlemen, did you know that on top of dying for all our sins, Jesus Christ plays a wicked electric guitar? LISTEN! You dance! You fucking dan ce! That’s our lord and savior you mother fuckers!

I’ll buy all things red and green,

accumulating thousands in debt

I’ll let it ruin my life,

Making it the best Christmas yet

And I’ll play those Christmas carols until my ears will bleed with Christmas cheer,

It’ll scare the shit outta you but it’s only getting bigger every year!

Cause it’s snowing

I love shopping

and I fu fu fu fu fu fucking love Christmas

I love those stop motion shows

That scare the shit outta me

cause I’m fucking batshit crazy about Christmas

I bathe in hot chocolate ‘til my skin is red

And I’ll sing Christmas songs until your soul is dead

Cause I’m soaking

in sweet toppings

and I fucking love Christmas

and the feels, and the deals, and the meals, and the steals at the Sears

Keep it longer, make it stronger, nothing’s wrong here, I could stay here all year

Smell the crazy, feeling hazy, something’s tasty, at the Macy’s downtown

Getting higher, feeling wired, I’m inspired, I’m on fire right now

I love the over marketing for making deplumes

By the way this song’s available on itunes

I wanna smash it open ‘til it’s stiff and cold

and maybe search its brains for its Christmas gold

and then drink it’s blood ‘til I lose control

and the Christmas madness will take it’s toll!

Tranquilizer hits him

it’s snowing

and I love shopping

and I fufufufufufucking love Christmas

Enough to build tranquilizer immunity

I must be fucking batshit crazy about Christmas

I’ll kill anyone not celebrating with me,

Your resistance is feeding my insanity

Cause it’s snowing

I love shopping

so put that star on top the tree

and buy me a fucking tv

We’re going on a shopping spree

my stockings filled with DVDs

I my heart is filling up with glee

can’t help what’s is going over me

I fufufufufucking love Christmas